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View Diary: He Doesn't Believe There's a"Rape Culture" (208 comments)

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  •  Sarcasm or Rudeness (15+ / 0-)

    I thought there was an Eddie Haskell edge to his assertion that he wasn't trying to be sarcastic or rude.  He was definitely in an "I am the world" box.  (I love that image.  I love your first step.)
    He came across as someone who goes up to an expert in a complicated field --like any field he isn't in-- with the attitude of "how hard can this be?"  It's hard to tell if it's ignorance or arrogance on his part.  I am probably being way too generous.  People who want to understand something don't go about it putting it in quotes.  Like you suggest, they get busy with google.

    In any case, it sure got under my skin!

    •  Ignorant arrogance. (10+ / 0-)

      Or arrogant ignorance, whichever ;~) Mansplaining, basically.

      I've seen a lot of this kind of thing (the old Pandagon threads used to sometimes be wonderful exhibits of what Privilege looks like & how to deal with it). Sometimes these guys get over themselves, sometimes getting into it with them simply helps you (well, me) hone your arguments & maybe reach some lurkers. But I think the "I'm asking/talking to you, what more 'research' do you want from me?' attitude is a genuine cultural (not personal) flaw as well as a (sometimes deliberate, sometimes unconscious) way to avoid thinking about something uncomfortable. Sometimes people are genuinely clueless even about how to stop being clueless, after all (not that that makes them less irritating :).

      Or maybe it just makes me feel better about humanity in general if I assume that many of those jackasses out there just don't know how to stop being a jackass, or even that non-jackassery is their own actual personal option...

      •  There are reasons for arrogant ignorance which (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        radarlady, DvCM

        doesn't make it right or less frustrating, but valid nonetheless.

        The cause may be autistic spectrum disorders and a lot of males are affected.
        They are not naturally able to see another person's perspective or point of view & it appears that they don't care.

        Sometimes they don't; often they don't know how unless they are carefully taught.

        Lots of these guys in my family. They take a lot of work to educate, but it's worth it.

        Just my 2 cents from lots of experience. Frustrating experience.

        Something that doesn't make good sense, makes bad sense. That means someone is being deliberately hurtful & selfish. Look for motives behind actions & words.

        by CA wildwoman on Tue Jan 15, 2013 at 01:59:59 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  well, yes, but (3+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          qofdisks, DvCM, CA wildwoman

          I'm ASD myself, and IME, the concept/awareness that other people have other things which concern them -- & related, that there are things I'm good at which others aren't, & that others are good at things I have no clue about -- goes way, way back. Other people live in different worlds, and it's clear that they're as clueless about mine as I am about theirs.

          (But that is why, in this sort of discussion, I always try to point out that 'cluelessness' isn't a voluntary state adopted to annoy other people.)

          I think there's a strong gender component to these attitudes. Partly maybe in early brain development, but it's also true that the culture develops/rewards center-of-the-worldism in boys/men, and crushes it in women. These attitudes are just too common in men (3D-world & online) for it to be predominantly an ASD issue.

          •  You're very correct. 'Normal' for males is skewed (0+ / 0-)

            WAY too far to arrogant ignorance / ignorant arrogance for my tastes & the safety of most people.

            I do have to say I taught my husband & kids that a lack of social skills is not a character flaw, but acting unkindly is a serious character flaw.

            That tends to make them try to stop & think about their role in situations before they act, & since they're not purposely mean people they usually act kindly.

            They also teach that to their friends & classmates when necessary, which helps them quickly distinguish who the kind people are around them & who they need to avoid because they're bullies.

            My other view is that testosterone is a problem when it comes to living with others safely. That's observed throughout biology. So human males need more help & teaching not to think with their 'balls' but use their brains instead. They like to think they do, but too often they don't. We raise livestock, so my kids got to see the behaviors first hand.

            Life is a great teacher if you're paying attention.

            Something that doesn't make good sense, makes bad sense. That means someone is being deliberately hurtful & selfish. Look for motives behind actions & words.

            by CA wildwoman on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 02:56:03 AM PST

            [ Parent ]

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