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View Diary: He Doesn't Believe There's a"Rape Culture" (208 comments)

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  •  Not alone and not unusual (20+ / 0-)

    Leftleaner, you are not alone and your experience is not unusual.

    And then some number who can't even come up with a user name to make him seem human, says "are you fucking kidding?" and spews his creepy ignorance all over your comments and my diary.  

    I was going to engage with him but thought better of it.  So I say again: your experience is not unusual, and you are not alone.  I don't know what else to say.

    •  And I have never felt particularly (15+ / 0-)

      as if I was a victim. But I have also never put all of these experiences  in one frame before, and I find it a little shocking. I think most women have these experiences one way or another, certainly my daughter, my friends, etc. We do indeed live in a culture where women are preyed upon on a regular basis.

      We should not be fighting about equal pay for equal work and access to birth control in 2012. Elizabeth Warren

      by Leftleaner on Mon Jan 14, 2013 at 09:25:13 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  All in one frame (13+ / 0-)

        When you add up all the ways, large and small, that women are demeaned and dismissed as having little or no value, it is shocking.  I find the way you express yourself to be so poignant:

        "I think most women have these experiences one way or another."

        Yeah, we do.  It's like part of the landscape.  

      •  I know what you mean (6+ / 0-)

        I did it myself, prompted by another recent diary, then didn't post.  But my tally:

        -- middle-school boy creepiness, running sticks down all the girls backs at recess to see if they were wearing bras, then judging them on the results, yes or no
        -- roommate in college harassed for at least a year by an ex-boyfriend, phone calls every night that she spent explaining she didn't want to talk to him anymore, showing up outside her window at night when she was at home, and so on.  I don't know how it ended or how bad it got, since we lost touch
        -- age 21, guy a might actually have had sex with if we'd had any birth control completely fails to care that I had stopped responding to him, doesn't force intercourse on me after I'd said no, but doesn't stop either, until he ejaculates.  I needed a shower after that, felt horrible.  Lest it be guessed that the fault was something in my behavior and not him being an entirely empathy-lacking asshole, I could also add that he found me at a bus-stop a few days later on my way to school, distracted me so much with persisting in trying to talk to me that I missed my bus, and then followed me the entire mile or two I had to walk to campus despite my saying I no longer wanted anything to do with him.  I could also add the creepy three-page "I love you" letter I got a few days after that.  I barely knew the guy.  Thankfully it ended there, but I wasn't right around men for months.
        -- age 24 or so, somebody -- presumably one of the undergrads in my lab sections -- wrote a multipage, unsigned letter that started with how good my breasts looked when I wasn't wearing a bra, and stuck it in my mail slot.  I didn't read the rest.  Gave it to admin, but nothing came of it.  I was uncomfortable for a long time about it, not knowing who or why or what else they might do.
        -- age 29, was raped by an intruder in my apartment in the middle of the night.  Long term effects from that one, I don't feel like going into it.  I don't consider it the worst thing that could possibly happen to me, but the next year or so of my life was pretty difficult to navigate.  13 years later I still have an overactive startle reflex.

        I didn't date all through high school.  Tally might be worse if I had.  As regards friends and acquaintances I'm sure there's plenty I don't know about.

        It all goes back to men thinking it is OK -- just fine and dandy even -- to force sexual attention on women in situations where the woman is in no position to refuse it, or to prevent her from walking away.  As if we simply do not rate any sort of human consideration, and completely uncaring of the effect on the woman who is supposedly admired.  The proverbial rapist in the dark alley is only the extreme version of this same thing.  That's why we call it "rape culture".  It's all horrible.  It all puts a burden on women that we shouldn't have to bear, it all treats us as something less than fully human.

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