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View Diary: He Doesn't Believe There's a"Rape Culture" (208 comments)

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  •  I once had a friend who couldn't understand how (7+ / 0-)

    someone could not enjoy going out and getting drunk.  And he got incredulous whenever I listed one of the reasons as being fear.  And at one point he told me, stop saying that, it sounds ridiculous when you say you're afraid of getting drunk, like you're a little kid or something.  I contested the point, and then he said, but why?  I led off with, "well, for starters, I could get raped..." and then his response sas something along the lines of, "this conversation just became too serious, change of topic" (something like that).  He never really did get it.

    Same guy who had trouble understanding why, when I had just met him, I had been too scared to ride alone in his car with him.

    And then you try to tell yourself, you're undercutting yourself by being this "paranoid", and so then you start to let down your guard... and the same sort of stuff that led you to be paranoid in the first place happens again.

    I don't think the word "paranoia" is appropriate when it's justified.

    •  More like reasonable instinctual response (4+ / 0-)

      That is how predators work. They like to undermine your trust in your own instincts.

      They like to  make us feel bad for picking up on the weird vibe leaking out of their physical presence.

      This where the nice--issue comes in. Girls are taught early on to be nice no matter what. Because if you are not nice, then it's because you are a bitch.

      Bitches get ostracized, nice girls get led down the garden path.

      •  We have to try not to be that girl with a target (1+ / 0-)
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        on her back.

        •  That comes into a whole other dimension of (0+ / 0-)

          expected female comportment. Women are not very popular when angry or combative. It freaks society out--hence the intense opposition to figures like Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, etc.,

          Yes, you are entirely correct!

      •  Nice girls don't fight back. (1+ / 0-)
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        Obviously, if the guy is a 200 lb monster who's threatened to smash your face to bits, you don't fight back.

        But we're been so conditioned to be "nice" that sometimes,  we act with a timidity that lets the potential rapist know that he's got an easy mark.

        "Oh, are you afraid of me?"  With a smirk.

        And the answer should not be "No. I'm sure you're a nice guy, but I really need to get to class. Please let me by."

        And should instead be, with a snarl that shows every tooth in your mouth. "Yes, I'm afraid of you. And like any animal, when I get afraid, I get vicious.  Now get out of my way before I decide to go for your throat!"

        Oooh, nice girls don't do things like that. We're supposed to be sweet and gentle and timid.

        Screw that.

        Assess the situation. Like any other animal being threatened. Not like a "nice" girl.  

        Freedom has two enemies: Those who want to control everyone around them...and those who feel no need to control themselves.

        by Sirenus on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 08:12:50 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

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