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  •  Neighbors said they were 'good people'...well, up (26+ / 0-)

    until that moment when dad couldn't handle a birthday party for his 16 year old daughter in the celebratory company with his wife, and all those relatives there.  So the two kids survive (21 and 16) but will have to face life, transitioning to adulthood, without loving parents, without those two later being loving grandparents.  It will affect multiple generations of relatives and the neighborhood.

    Not quite sure when it becomes clear to 'good people' that the response to some yet to be discerned stress (which they cannot easily tell us now) becomes to go fetch and load your pistol and shoot your spouse, and then, for whatever reason, fatally shoot yourself as a bonus, whilst standing by the front door, but it sure seems like this is something we should be researching.  (As we know, the NRA & ALEC has worked for the last couple of decades to block just this sort of thing.)  Clearly, stuff can happen to normally responsible 'good people' that can fatally screw them up, bringing out the worst impulses, leading to grab a fire arm to shoot beloved family members (whom presumably don't have that same impulse).

    My personal bet is dad wouldn't have gone hunting for a roofing hammer if he didn't have that handy pistol with which to kill his spouse.  And as for hammering himself to death, after fataling wounding his wife, clearly that would not have been anywhere near so easy as, well, shooting himself.  Guns are a 'solution' for a limited problem set, or serve as a 'sporting tool', if responsibly handled, with very little room for error, 100% of the time. Otherwise, they are a potential threat to human lives, most attractive to grab when most emotionally unbalanced, and then mostly harmful to the lives of family members.

    When life gives you wingnuts, make wingnut butter!

    by antirove on Mon Jan 21, 2013 at 12:17:19 PM PST

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    •  Girl's birthdays will suck from now on (17+ / 0-)

      I can't even imagine having those memories come back every year.

      261.A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience. -Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

      by MaikeH on Mon Jan 21, 2013 at 01:17:14 PM PST

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    •  I'm going to hell (5+ / 0-)

      But "hammering himself to death" made me laugh. :-)

      I had only seen the headline for this before and didn't want to know. The 16 year old is as old as she'll ever get, because she'll never have another birthday. I swear as I age, shit like this just gets sadder and sadder.

      •  I knew when I thought of it that it could trip (0+ / 0-)

        someone up, well, sure, me at least.  But having thought of that mean ol' hammer, I just couldn't bear sliding down alone.  I suppose that's some sort of dried 'humor' pride going on down before me.  Heh...'The Finite Times' heading for a heated eternity...  :)   You know though our laughter is actually at those GOP 'leaders' who were so quick to equate a gun as on par with a hammer.  I'm guessing you'll get off on this one  Substituting 'hammer' back in for gun has been going on in my twisted brain for a few days. Had to come out sometime.

        16 candles...1600 candles, it'll never seem enough.  And with both parents gone, she isn't likely to ever get any explanation, and it will certainly affect her 21 year old brother deeply as well.  In certain regions reaching age 16 is when a girl is regarded as young woman suitable to be introduced to society, albeit yet a minor for most considerations. Now she'll have a sad noteriety instead.  At 16 being the 'baby' in the family starts to lose importance and mom takes an stronger interest in her succeeding as a woman.  Perhaps dad was less ready.

        A lot now may fall upon that 21 year old brother.  Hope he's got some older help available.  

        When life gives you wingnuts, make wingnut butter!

        by antirove on Tue Jan 22, 2013 at 08:17:51 PM PST

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    •  The story also called him (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      lyvwyr101, LilithGardener

      "deranged."  "...when the deranged dad pulled the trigger."  I don't remember hearing a person described that way before, at least not on the 1st telling.

      "The light which puts out our sight is darkness to us." Thoreau

      by NancyWH on Mon Jan 21, 2013 at 06:05:13 PM PST

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      •  Folks tend to write 'deranged' when they believe (0+ / 0-)

        no one else could fathom a rational choice going on in the perpetrator's mind so blatantly immoral. It doesn't feel right to consider him now as someone in any plausible sort of normal mental frame. That would say bad things about human 'normal' thought processes.  Nobody said this was 'a broken home' or 'troubled couple'.

        Seems like knowing when it's just a passing temptating idea, a thought indulged upon from time to time, perhaps even meditated upon, still is not the same as considering really doing it, picking up the gun and aiming at a loved one in broad daylight, while at a family celebration event, and then actually doing it, followed by self-obliterating suicide. At so many points, he still could have stopped himself, and we have to believe he did it while knowing it was the worst two things he could do in life, even if the whole thing transpired in less than a minute. That's why people want to insist they thought they were 'good people'. They didn't pick up any clues there were problems requiring them to act, to intervene, to perhaps take a heroic action. We have to absolve ourselves, to put him in the 'not like us' category.

        No matter how close together the idea of doing it, the impulse to follow through and the actual doing may have been, we 'just know' something wicked and twisted must have taken possession of his mental faculties. Nothing else fits the narrative we struggle to assemble.  That moral wall between doing real wrong and just thinking about it is a wall that we all want and need to be very sturdy, or society loses so many trust relationships.  

        We want to say about anyone associated with us that 'he wouldn't hurt a fly' or 'she loved his family', 'they are both so life affirming', etc. We want to protect our own walls of thoughts and actions, and make sure we keep that seperation of fantasy and reality perfectly clear. It cannot be that if we were in his shoes, given observable facts and 'known' relationships, that we could possibly ever chose to do the same. We wouldn't pick up that gun. We wouldn't do so at a big family party for the baby of the family.  We couldn't ever aim a gun at our spouse with murder as the intent.  Divorce is more sensible.  We certainly wouldn't do it in plain daylight in the front door of a family home.  And we couldn't pull that trigger on another innocent weaker human being, and not pull again to end it all in suicide. It hurts so deeply that any presumed 'normal' person, one of 'us', could just pick up a gun and kill his wife and then his self 'out of the blue'. Surely in any of the fleeting thoughts prior to such an act, somebody somewhere should have realized it was going so terribly wrong.

        One human acting so terribly threatens our sense of being a normal collection of sentient beings, our core sense of 'we-ness', the set of all we include as belonging to 'us'.  It's better to admit having been 'fooled' by someone than to admit having doubts about them, or to admit having doubts rather than contemplating they may contribute directly to the demise of anyone, especially family members. And in retrospect it's easiest to call him 'deranged', something twisted and broken that just happened, he snapped, cracked, wigged-out, went hay-wire, fell apart, his brain chemistry went totally bad--something occuring way too fast and deeply affecting him before anyone else sane could realize it and recognized there was a real problem. We all believe that we'd just know to shut down another known 'defective' human being as soon as it was clear.  We would have acted, intervened, tried to help in anyway possible if only we would have known.  Except when we don't and fail....which has hurt a whole nation feels.

        When life gives you wingnuts, make wingnut butter!

        by antirove on Tue Jan 22, 2013 at 08:59:37 PM PST

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    •  Neighbors always think that an accused or proven (0+ / 0-)

      killer seem so nice. The same way their mothers always say the shooter/killer whatever was a good son/daughter, so it ca't be true.

      “We are all connected; To each other, biologically. To the earth, chemically. To the rest of the universe atomically.” ― Neil deGrasse Tyson

      by astrogeology girl on Mon Jan 21, 2013 at 11:48:09 PM PST

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