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View Diary: Jarhead In Crisis (173 comments)

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  •  One of the best things to do for your daughter (17+ / 0-)

    and maybe one of the hardest for you right now is to not talk in a negative manner about your wife. Its her mom. I speak from a lot of experience having gone through a really tough divorce with the father of my 3 boys who is an alcoholic (although not active now). It was really rough on the kids, and he did all kinds of horrid stuff to me and them at times. But I really tried hard to not speak so negatively about him, because I knew that they looked at him differently than I did, and they were too young to be saddled with all the knowledge of what he was doing. Unfortunately, he had no problem telling them all kinds of lies about me, but he was drunk and very mad. Anyway, the best gift you can give your daughter is a really compatible divorce -if that is the way it goes down. I can't stress it enough. It won't be easy.

    I also second documenting everything. Also having witnesses is really good. Keep a diary of every day.

    Also-no offense to anyone here, but asking for child care for your daughter when you will not know the person is maybe not the best way to get it. I may be reading the situation wrong, but I would be hesitant to hand my kid over to a stranger to watch (even if they are on Daily Kos-still a stranger) and a judge isn't going to think thats a great idea. And thats the way that you have to start living your life now...." is a judge going to think this is good for my daughter?" for what ever you do, if you are going to go for full custody.
    I hope I don't sound harsh-I know that this is a tough time for you, filled with lots of uncertainties and anxieties, and I am really sorry that it happened.

    •  I agree, but... (11+ / 0-)

      Coffee hearter is right:

      Also-no offense to anyone here, but asking for child care for your daughter when you will not know the person is maybe not the best way to get it. I may be reading the situation wrong, but I would be hesitant to hand my kid over to a stranger to watch (even if they are on Daily Kos-still a stranger) and a judge isn't going to think thats a great idea.
      But Wisconsin kossacks might be useful in providing local references for local childcare providers with a good reputation. So while reaching out for provider might not be such a great idea, getting references and other assistance here might be more appropriate.
    •  Agreed (9+ / 0-)
      One of the best things to do for your daughter and maybe one of the hardest for you right now is to not talk in a negative manner about your wife. Its her mom.
      I married a woman who already had a daughter from a previous marriage. We have a lot of issues with her ex. But mostly we have not brought them up with my step-daughter. He is her father and that is an important relationship. I have never lied to her about him, but I have avoided going out of my way to say anything negative about him. And over the years she has figured out what he is like and what we are like and he also has mellowed as the years go by and we are cordial. It is difficult in the heat of the moment, but kids will always want to love their parents no matter what. And it is healthy for them to  do so if at all possible. I fault some relatives of mine for letting their personal divorce hurt their kids. May have been unavoidable, but it still sucks and ultimately was selfish of the adults involved.

      FREEDOM ISN'T FREE: That's why we pay taxes. I Had A Thought

      by mole333 on Sat Jan 26, 2013 at 06:15:38 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  In my case, I'm a licensed foster parent. That is (5+ / 0-)

      I'm background checked, homestudy, meds locked up, you name it. In fact the State called me at least 3 times this week to take children.

      He could find someone with a small daycare, teacher, etc, who would look good to anyone in the system.  

      (Not close enough or would volunteer.)

      This health care system is a moral atrocity. Dr. Ralphdog

      by AllisonInSeattle on Sat Jan 26, 2013 at 06:53:43 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

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