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View Diary: We Lost Another One: Gay Oregon teen hangs himself on school playground after bullying (105 comments)

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  •  Yes, but on the other hand (5+ / 0-)

    I'm straight and I was bullied...but although I didn't recognize it until years later, most of the reasons why I was bullied were characteristics of my personality that were traditionally considered feminine and/or gay (I was shy, didn't like sports and wasn't any good at them, liked brightly colored clothes, etc.) That I was not in fact gay hardly mattered, only the appearance to that end did. If my bullies ever think of me now, I wouldn't be surprised at all to learn they think I probably was gay.

    I certainly do agree that the adults in the picture were at fault. My sixth grade teacher winked at the abuse for months, putting her foot down only when it got to the point where I came in from recess in tears every day. Even then, she blamed it partially on me for not having a thicker skin. And on the rare occasions when I struck back? If anything, I was punished more harshly than the bullies because "two wrongs don't make a right" and "you know better than they do".

    Because I'm a forgiving person, I like to think when my 6th grade teacher dies (it's possible she already has, as she'd be around 80 now), she'll spend nine months in Purgatory, living with the same s**t that happened to me under her nose. Nothing short of that would ever enable me to forgive and forget.

    Certaines personnes disent qu'il y a une femme à blâmer, Mais je sais que c'est ma faute sacrément.

    by RamblinDave on Wed Jan 30, 2013 at 04:38:17 AM PST

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    •  You don't have to forgive (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Chrislove, Cassandra Waites

      to let go and move on.

      This freedom has been one of the choicer liberties of my maturity. It's radical, seditious, not to "work on forgiving others." It's seriously at-odds, both with the teachings of authoritarian religions, and with society's folk wisdom. You never have to forgive that awful teacher. If you never do, that relationship can still be perfectly whole, perfectly healed.

      On the other hand, with time and hindsight, and realizing more about an abusive situation that you did at the time, you may find that you DO forgive other people involved. Many times, in regard to past abuse, I've found myself thinking things like these:

      "So-and-so had no more power than you did. They were acting to save their own skin--as you would have done in their situation."

      "So-and-so was awfully frightened."

      "So-and-so was really doing the very best they could in the situation, believe it or not."

      Understanding what you can about past or current bad situations, is mandatory, in my book. Forgiving abusers (and I use the term loosely) is not, but it sometimes happens spontaneously.

      It's here they got the range/ and the machinery for change/ and it's here they got the spiritual thirst. --Leonard Cohen

      by karmsy on Wed Jan 30, 2013 at 07:42:48 AM PST

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