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View Diary: Rape + Guns = Freedom. Or something. This image popped up on my facebook today. (138 comments)

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  •  A lot depends (18+ / 0-)

    on the situation.  A lot of would-be assailants start out with small, testing behaviors to see if their potential victim will put up with it.  Unwanted touching.  Moving into personal space.  Trying to get the potential victim alone (if he or she is not already alone).  

    Shoving them aside and yelling, "Knock it off!" usually gets them to stop (and earns the now-not-potential victims) soubriquets about "not having a cow" or "being crazy" or to "calm down" (and, of course, the term "b!tch" is ever-popular, if the boundary-setter is female).

    That works for acquaintance rape, but if the perpetrator is a friend or a family member, boundary setting can be much more difficult - there's that split-second of disbelief, especially if it's a violent or sudden assault that can cost victims dearly.  

    Frankly, it's also hard, very hard, to deck a good friend or a family member or potential romantic partner or to drive your thumb into their eye, or the ever-popular "grab and twist." You care for this person. You want to believe that they would never hurt you - until they do.  

    (I used to co-teach seminars on violence against women back in the day - I guess I remembered more than I thought!)

    •  Pay attention to parent post (4+ / 0-)

      That business about pushing to see if a potential victim will push back? Absolutely true, and applies to other violent crimes as well.

      An advantage of setting a boundary emphatically is that there's no ambiguity left when someone crosses it. Anyone who presses on after "LEAVE ME ALONE!" has left civilized society and can be treated as a definite threat.

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