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View Diary: OMG It's The Worst Thing Ever!!!!! (119 comments)

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  •  I agree with most everything that you've written (7+ / 0-)

    my one issue is with that sentence about *-bashing. That word, and its usage, is so offensive that I find myself unable to rec or tip the diary. Might I request that you find an alternative description and update the diary?

    I really don't want to offend you, or tell you how to do things, but that particular thing just raises the hackles.

    Anyone who scoffs at happiness needs to take their soul back to the factory and demand a better one. -driftglass

    by postmodernista on Wed Feb 06, 2013 at 05:13:14 PM PST

    •  I completely understand what you're saying, (15+ / 0-)

      but I lived through the time when it was commonly used, in "polite" company, and rarely confronted.  I don't know how to keep the power of what that was like to live in and change the wording.  

      It's an awful word, and the bashing was still going on when my friends were dying of a new disease without a name.  To  me that's worse than the word.  If you have a suggestion for how to make that clear and not be so offensive I'm open to it!

      I'm not looking for a love that will lift me up and carry me away. A love that will stroll alongside and make a few amusing comments will suffice.

      by I love OCD on Wed Feb 06, 2013 at 05:28:09 PM PST

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      •  it is an awful word (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        I love OCD, aitchdee, Hey338Too

        and I don't know of another that would easily substitute... It might be that the whole sentence would have to be rewritten.

        But we try (I can only speak of the Kosability group) try to avoid such words, if only to deprive them of their power. I too am disappointed of how those afflicted early with AIDS and HIV+ status were treated, or not, as the case may be. Certainly the abhorrent treatment that people suffered is worse than the word. I'm only saying that we would be well advised not to use the language of the people who let that happen.

        I fully understand the concept of reclaiming language, but that one is just so hurtful to so many people that I really object to its usage in any civil conversation.

        Anyone who scoffs at happiness needs to take their soul back to the factory and demand a better one. -driftglass

        by postmodernista on Wed Feb 06, 2013 at 05:39:54 PM PST

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        •  I struggled with it, as I did with Jig jokes. (18+ / 0-)

          I may be in a different place with it because the SLUTS group led to a deep healing for me personally.  That word was a weapon used against me before I even knew what sex really was and, more traumatically, was how I was labelled after being date raped.  

          Getting a girl drunk and having sex with her was just a thing Frat boys did, and boasting about it afterward wasn't unacceptable at all.  Slut made my heart hurt, it made me want to simultaneously hurt someone and curl up in the fetal position forever.  Stripping that word of it's power to hurt me was amazing.  

          Maybe we need to do that with all those words.  I don't know.  I'm sorry it hurts you.

          I'm not looking for a love that will lift me up and carry me away. A love that will stroll alongside and make a few amusing comments will suffice.

          by I love OCD on Wed Feb 06, 2013 at 05:53:22 PM PST

          [ Parent ]

        •  It IS an awful thing (4+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          Smoh, Cedwyn, I love OCD, blueoasis

          and if you've ever experienced it first hand, there's no sugar coating you can apply to it, no polite way to put it. Might as well call it what it is, just as ugly as it is.

          If I ran this circus, things would be DIFFERENT!

          by CwV on Thu Feb 07, 2013 at 05:45:13 AM PST

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          •  Based on my internal responses (3+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            CwV, Wee Mama, SanFernandoValleyMom

            when I read old books that use those words and phrases, I think it's important to not whitewash what was real.  It's like a little electrical shock when I read "Are you in the hands of the Jews?", meaning: were you stupid, did you borrow money?  

            And these aren't archaic books, this was an attitude carried well into the 20th Century.  It took a Holocaust to change those casual attitudes, and even that wasn't enough for some.  In 1981 I attended High Holy Day services with the family of my future husband, and asked why all the cop cars for traffic control before the service.  Gently, sweetly my S-I-L to be told me they were doing bomb checks and providing security during the service.  (Which the Synagogue paid for, this wasn't a public service thing.)  

            They weren't worried about Muslim terrorism, this was about American terrorism.

            I'm not looking for a love that will lift me up and carry me away. A love that will stroll alongside and make a few amusing comments will suffice.

            by I love OCD on Thu Feb 07, 2013 at 08:46:50 AM PST

            [ Parent ]

    •  That's what we called it in my hometown (11+ / 1-)

      Every Friday night, out to the local meet-up rest area and do some fag bashing.

      Except if there was a basketball game.  When we played the city school next door and lost, then it would be nigger bashing. Hoo boy, when we played Cambridge Ringe & Latin with Patrick Ewing and made those signs up "Ewing kant reed".  Fun times, fun times.

      Yup, it was certainly offensive. And glossing it over now in the name of politeness or not wanting to offend sensibilities does no one any good.  It needs to be seen for the ugly, hateful, disgusting, vile thing it was, and people need to know that people turning their head the other way and not addressing it was just as repugnant as the ones who did it.  

      Liberalism is trust of the people tempered by prudence. Conservatism is distrust of the people tempered by fear. ~William E. Gladstone, 1866

      by absdoggy on Wed Feb 06, 2013 at 05:37:26 PM PST

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      •  That's the thing with all of it. (6+ / 0-)

        Reading 11/22/63 brought back memories I'd just as soon do without, and moments of deep shame that I didn't scream "What the fuck is wrong with you?", or at least not freeze up,  more often.

        I'm not looking for a love that will lift me up and carry me away. A love that will stroll alongside and make a few amusing comments will suffice.

        by I love OCD on Wed Feb 06, 2013 at 05:44:51 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

      •  so sorry to feel compelled to HR (0+ / 0-)

        that word is the other one that just needs not be used. ever.

        Anyone who scoffs at happiness needs to take their soul back to the factory and demand a better one. -driftglass

        by postmodernista on Wed Feb 06, 2013 at 05:52:53 PM PST

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        •  It is not important to remember (2+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          I love OCD, Glinda

          that gay men were burned alive as kindling for witches?

          That people for centuries so liked that idea they kept it in language?

          Words of hate and oppression should be used in discussion of hate and oppression in my opinion.

          So many lives ruined, it can't go unforgotten.

          The highest form of spiritual practice is self observation with compassion.

          by NCJim on Thu Feb 07, 2013 at 06:40:43 AM PST

          [ Parent ]

        •  It seems that your avoidance of offensive terms (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          I love OCD

          has not deprived them of their power over you.  It seems to have had the exact opposite effect. The words have too much power over you.

          Which is exactly why gay men and women have adopted formerly offensive terms and defanged them by doing so.

          "Republicans have been fleeced and exploited and lied to by a conservative entertainment complex." - David Frum

          by Glinda on Thu Feb 07, 2013 at 09:41:08 AM PST

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          •  Thanks for that comment. (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Glinda

            My friend Keith used to introduce himself "Hi, I'm Keith and I'm a screaming queen."  He was, too.  I don't know if that went into his work life with him, but he sure startled some of my friends.  He used to introduce me at his parties as the token het.  

            I'm not looking for a love that will lift me up and carry me away. A love that will stroll alongside and make a few amusing comments will suffice.

            by I love OCD on Thu Feb 07, 2013 at 10:27:17 AM PST

            [ Parent ]

            •  I've been known to refer to myself as ... (1+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              I love OCD

              a fag hag when being introduced to an LGBT crowd.

              That's a double whammy: a misogynistic and a homophobic slur.

              "Republicans have been fleeced and exploited and lied to by a conservative entertainment complex." - David Frum

              by Glinda on Thu Feb 07, 2013 at 01:17:16 PM PST

              [ Parent ]

      •  Uprated (10+ / 0-)

        It's used in context in representing very well the ugly reality of an era.

        •  It's the sense of the whole era (11+ / 0-)

          that came back to me so hard.  There's a scene describing gas station restrooms in Alabama, I think.  Men, Women, then a little piece of wood, arrow shaped, pointing toward the Colored restroom - down a hill covered in poison ivy ending at a plank across a stream.  Fairly easy for men, really awkward for women, and taking a shit meant sitting on a board and dumping into the water.  And carrying your own toilet paper.  And dealing with the poison ivy if you were so desperate you just took that walk.  I knew these things, I knew it, but I feel like I've been hit with a 2x4 anyway.  

          Life is vastly better now, and if we celebrate what we've accomplished aren't we more likely to energized to accomplish even more?

          I'm not looking for a love that will lift me up and carry me away. A love that will stroll alongside and make a few amusing comments will suffice.

          by I love OCD on Wed Feb 06, 2013 at 06:07:45 PM PST

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          •  This is so important: (2+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Smoh, I love OCD
            Life is vastly better now, and if we celebrate what we've accomplished aren't we more likely to energized to accomplish even more?
            Perspective, people. Step back just a bit and really look.

            If I ran this circus, things would be DIFFERENT!

            by CwV on Thu Feb 07, 2013 at 05:47:40 AM PST

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        •  I still disagree (0+ / 0-)

          really want to strip the word and all it represents of its power? Stop using it. let it turn up in an unabridged google/wiki dictionary in 300 years with the qualifier 'archaic'.

          Anyone who scoffs at happiness needs to take their soul back to the factory and demand a better one. -driftglass

          by postmodernista on Wed Feb 06, 2013 at 06:10:37 PM PST

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        •  I thought you weren't supposed to uprate a HRed (0+ / 0-)

          post regardless of the situation or whether the HR was deserved or not.

          You have watched Faux News, now lose 2d10 SAN.

          by Throw The Bums Out on Wed Feb 06, 2013 at 11:19:41 PM PST

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          •  Only in the context of (0+ / 0-)

            shutting down a discussion.  I'm seeing strong opinions and people willing to fight for them, which is exactly why I'm here.

            I'm not looking for a love that will lift me up and carry me away. A love that will stroll alongside and make a few amusing comments will suffice.

            by I love OCD on Thu Feb 07, 2013 at 10:29:06 AM PST

            [ Parent ]

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