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View Diary: Tackling the pervasive stigma of bisexuality (104 comments)

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  •  In a lot of ways, I'm "passing" in this culture (8+ / 0-)

    Which I guess is why I felt the need to write this. We're trying to make this film about LGBT rights and counter-protesting Westboro Baptist, but on our surface, we look exactly like any other straight married couple in Kansas (aside from the Star of David I wear around my neck). We look "normal," and we feel like we have the ideal marriage, but as with most things in life, not everything is as it appears. We're immensely happy together, yes, but I took a long, hard road toward self acceptance before I was ready for the relationship I have now.

    We're conducting an experiment in filmmaking as civil rights activism in The Tolerance Project. Help us combat Westboro Baptist! http://kck.st/156XjPE

    by MrsGeiiga on Thu Feb 21, 2013 at 11:18:53 AM PST

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    •  But you are normal! (7+ / 0-)

      Whatever normal is.

      I've got friends in a poly relationship and I see nothing wrong with it. I might even consider entering into one myself if the opportunity presented itself with the right people.

      Normal is what we want it to be.

      •  Normal is a setting on the washer. (8+ / 0-)

        I'm a six foot tall Transman, believe me you do not want to be not 'normal'

        "Til you're so fucking crazy you can't follow their rules" John Lennon - Working Class Hero

        by Horace Boothroyd III on Thu Feb 21, 2013 at 11:39:36 AM PST

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      •  I know I am, but the validation helps a lot (7+ / 0-)

        And that's why I feel so badly for the people who struggle with their sexuality, particularly teenagers. People of all ages have a hard enough time trying to fit in, and when they're anything other than heterosexual, it's even harder, and for teenagers, nearly impossible.

        I was lucky since I grew up in the Bay Area, which is far more enlightened than Kansas, but even so, I struggled to come to terms with myself for most of my life. Arguably, I had an "easier" path than some people do, but it still took me until I was over 30 to truly accept myself. I would've had trouble with that anyway, but my sexuality didn't help matters any.

        We're conducting an experiment in filmmaking as civil rights activism in The Tolerance Project. Help us combat Westboro Baptist! http://kck.st/156XjPE

        by MrsGeiiga on Thu Feb 21, 2013 at 11:54:21 AM PST

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        •  I didn't know my orientation label was *possible* (6+ / 0-)

          until my mid-twenties.

          Heteroromantic asexuals can 'pass' to themselves.

          And wonder for years or a lifetime just what the hell is broken inside so that they want relationships but the framework they are given for what that looks like can be literally No Just No to them.

          For instance, for me and several other heteroromantic asexuals both male and female who I know, the standard American Traditional Wedding contains sexual assault because of personal repulsion to on the mouth kissing, and I do know couples where this is true for both partners. But that isn't a part of the ceremony most families are willing to accept a change in, even in Christian fundamentalist groups where the wedding vows are the first time the couple has touched hands (seriously, there are groups where the husband-to-be doesn't get to put the engagement ring on the bride-to-be) - even a slight intentional miss is enough for shaming a couple into 'a do-over' so everyone can ooh and ahh and take photos.

          And yet this is something I've been told I should be daydreaming about having happen to me someday since I was old enough for my first Disney movie, and what's more that it would happen to me someday and my distress at the thought was only a sign of 'immaturity' and nothing more.

          There are asexual women of various romantic orientations who have been told 'you're just a late bloomer' up until the day they were told 'well you're nearing menopause and sex drive lowers then so this is natural'.

          I figured out what I was and so much made sense - and so much bad stuff wouldn't have happened if I'd been told being what I am was possible back during middle school health class.

          Prayers and best wishes to those in Japan.

          by Cassandra Waites on Thu Feb 21, 2013 at 02:11:20 PM PST

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          •  Wow, that's a new perspective for me (5+ / 0-)

            But then I'm such a sexual being that not being interested in sex is unfathomable to me. I applaud you for coming to terms with your own orientation, even if it wasn't until your mid-20s. That's probably the most misunderstood orientation of them all, sadly, since for those of us who are interested in pursuing sexual relationships, we take a lack of interest personally. We don't see it as, "Okay, you love me but don't want sex," we see either, "What's wrong with me? Why aren't you interested in me?" or "What's wrong with you that you don't want sex?"

            Thank you, you've enlightened me.

            We're conducting an experiment in filmmaking as civil rights activism in The Tolerance Project. Help us combat Westboro Baptist here.

            by MrsGeiiga on Thu Feb 21, 2013 at 02:30:21 PM PST

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            •  In my experience, it's usually more like you said, (0+ / 0-)

              "But then I'm such a sexual being that not being interested in sex is unfathomable to me."

              So people presume we're prudes or overly religious or need therapy and are ignoring sexual interest like they have, when really there's nothing there to ignore.

              I've got a relative who said some really nasty stuff to me when I got forced into coming out to him, all based in 'well at least animals don't ignore their hormones' logic.

              Prayers and best wishes to those in Japan.

              by Cassandra Waites on Fri Feb 22, 2013 at 07:46:43 AM PST

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    •  I understand what you are saying (5+ / 0-)

      it is called mimicry and is a self defense mechanism.  The only two choices seem to be "passing" or else moving into a culture where you are no longer the only petunia in the onion patch (with apologies to Cap'n Kangeroo)

    •  I'm in a similar situation myself. (0+ / 0-)

      Bi woman, married to a bi man.

      When you come to find how essential the comfort of a well-kept home is to the bodily strength and good conditions, to a sound mind and spirit, and useful days, you will reverence the good housekeeper as I do above artist or poet, beauty or genius.

      by Alexandra Lynch on Thu Feb 21, 2013 at 04:40:26 PM PST

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