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View Diary: I just saw my husband's profile on Match.com (488 comments)

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  •  Thank you for posting your story (6+ / 0-)

    I've never used Match.com, but I suspect something like Meetup.com might be a better choice. There are probably  lots of events happening in your area that you would be interested in. You would learn something, and slowly get to know other attenders. I guess if you are religious the usual advice is to go to a church or religious institution of your faith.

    Good luck, and I hope you take the advice to go ahead and make your separation from your husband official. You will feel so much better!

    Oklahoma: birthplace of Kate Barnard, W. Rogers, W. Guthrie, Bill Moyers & Eliz. Warren. Home to proud progressive agitators since before statehood. Current political climate a mere passing dust cloud; we're waiting it out & planning for clearer days.

    by peacearena on Sat Mar 02, 2013 at 05:58:00 PM PST

    •  My son & DIL met on datemypet.com (11+ / 0-)

      They're both vets and they both have pets (they were both in vet school in different places at the time they met, but neither of them realized they didn't live in the same city until they decided it was time to meet for a dog walk).  

      It's not a "dating" site per se- it's to find friends with common interests so you can go dog walking together with somebody nice to talk to.  

      You CAN date, but it's nice to make friends first - which is what they did.  They were email friends, then phone friends, then they finally met each other (and the dogs), then he graduated and went to his internship and they kept in touch for 2 years, talking and visiting until she graduated and did her internship at the same hospital he did).  

      There's also a thing called Events and Adventures - not sure if they are in your area, but they are not a dating site either.  They set up different kinds of things every day and you can go hiking or canoeing or to the movies or try a new restaurant, with a group interested in the same thing.  They're all singles, but it's supposed to be making new friends.  If you're not comfortable dating, it might be just the right thing to just get together with people who like doing what you like to do.  No pressure!  I don't know if there are membership fees, but obviously there are costs to participate in whatever outings interest you.  

      I can understand your reluctance to file - I made my ex file - since where we live the filer has to pay the up front court costs and filing fees, while the Respondent just has to respond (and hire their own lawyer if they feel the need to).  

      If you have kids they make you go through mediation first.  And they made us go to counseling - I stayed in counseling and also got our son into family counseling with his own person (thank God for decent insurance coverage).  My ex never did finish his part.  He's on his 5th wife (and was recently forced into anger management).  

      If you can't afford an attorney, see if the local legal aid agency can help you file for minimal cost.  You need to separate yourself from him legally  - he could screw you up financially, as well as emotionally and physically as long as you're still legally married.  Don't give him that power.  Don't give him that kind of control.  

      What goes around comes around.  I believe that.  Someday he'll get his comeuppance for what he's done to you.  Get yourself free, and as hard as it might be, don't look back.  

      "Focusing your life solely on making a buck shows a certain poverty of ambition. It asks too little of yourself. Because it's only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you realize your true potential." - Barack Obama

      by Ricochet67 on Sat Mar 02, 2013 at 06:22:56 PM PST

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