Skip to main content

View Diary: Dear Mr. Saletan (NSFW) (64 comments)

Comment Preferences

  •  Oh, lord, yes. (5+ / 0-)

    Our bottoms are trusting us to take care of them while they are in an altered state of consciousness, to push them but not too much, and to be sensible when they are being stupid.  It's a very responsible position, and it makes my heart blossom when I am the shoulder leaned upon.

    When you come to find how essential the comfort of a well-kept home is to the bodily strength and good conditions, to a sound mind and spirit, and useful days, you will reverence the good housekeeper as I do above artist or poet, beauty or genius.

    by Alexandra Lynch on Sun Mar 10, 2013 at 08:04:29 PM PDT

    [ Parent ]

    •  It sounds, in a way, as if (4+ / 0-)

      you are in a sort of adult role and they are in a somewhat infantalized role.

      Gondwana has always been at war with Laurasia.

      by AaronInSanDiego on Sun Mar 10, 2013 at 08:18:23 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  In some ways that is true. (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        wader, Horace Boothroyd III

        It can definitely be slanted into a mirror of parental/child interaction, and that is some people's kink.

        But I think it is seen as infantile in our culture to lay aside the burdens and responsibilities of adulthood for a little bit to relax, and I don't think that's the case at all.

        Instead of worrying about whether her father was going to live and what to tell her kids and how she was going to keep her job with the demands of helping take care of him and remembering to sew the patches on Johnny's uniform by Monday for Boy Scouts and get in her evaluations on time.... all she has to worry about doing in that space of time is telling me when she can't take the pain any more, and just being in her skin.

        That's her little vacation.

        When you come to find how essential the comfort of a well-kept home is to the bodily strength and good conditions, to a sound mind and spirit, and useful days, you will reverence the good housekeeper as I do above artist or poet, beauty or genius.

        by Alexandra Lynch on Sun Mar 10, 2013 at 08:31:29 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

      •  infantalized role? (2+ / 0-)

        Is a husband putting his wife in a infantalized role when he holds her after a hard day dealing with the children, Is the father holding a child who fell and banged-up their knee. putting that child into a  infantalized role .I say No not at all.  Our bottoms are trusting us to take care of them as you would a Firefighter or EMT when you can not care for yourself .Are they putting you into infantalized role No not at all.

        •  Perhaps that wasn't the right word. (2+ / 0-)

          I was thinking of a sort of parent-child relationship, which I think is reflected, perhaps temporarily, in some of those examples.

          Gondwana has always been at war with Laurasia.

          by AaronInSanDiego on Sun Mar 10, 2013 at 08:35:01 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  Sometimes that is very healing to people who had (2+ / 0-)

            bad examples of parenting in their past.

            While I mostly mock "inner child" stuff, sometimes that's the only way to characterize some of what we're doing.

            It works the other way round too; I was raised in an abusive family, and the specific abuse patterns are things that I stayed very clear of. Learning how to top for these things ethically and within limits cleared out a lot of fears for me.

            When you come to find how essential the comfort of a well-kept home is to the bodily strength and good conditions, to a sound mind and spirit, and useful days, you will reverence the good housekeeper as I do above artist or poet, beauty or genius.

            by Alexandra Lynch on Sun Mar 10, 2013 at 11:34:26 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

      •  or a confessional (2+ / 0-)

        oh! beat me, until I need to come back and confess again! (and get off sexually at the same time-- how wonderful!)

        •  ps, I also wonder (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          Alexandra Lynch

          how many bottoms go to a domme not to be "infantilized" in  way that "takes care of them", but to be punished for the way they treat other people, which then gives them "absolution" but doesn't require them to treat folks around them (families, employees, etc) any differently.

          Sorry-- but I would rather those bottoms be forced to be better towards others, than have a wonderful private space in BDSM.

          •  WTF? (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Alexandra Lynch

            How bizarre for you to say that.

            but to be punished for the way they treat other people
            Everyone is different as to what they get out of it for one thing. and another people in BDSM relationships would never be mean to others outside the relationship because that is not consensual.

            "Til you're so fucking crazy you can't follow their rules" John Lennon - Working Class Hero

            by Horace Boothroyd III on Sun Mar 10, 2013 at 08:45:21 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            •  Well, actually I've played with that for (1+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              Horace Boothroyd III

              humiliation games.

              "You naughty boy, I know what you do, you look down the tops of all the women at work,  you stare at their asses when they bend over, aren't you a dirty naughty boy!"

              But that is a game, and not serious. Because it doesn't matter for that game whether or not he actually does, it is something that he might well do if he weren't actually a properly socialized decent person, and so he can claim it without it having any deep resonance. Besides, I know no straight man on earth who hasn't at least once looked at a woman at some point and had a sexual thought. I don't consider this a sin, nor does he. But it's fun to pretend.  

              When you come to find how essential the comfort of a well-kept home is to the bodily strength and good conditions, to a sound mind and spirit, and useful days, you will reverence the good housekeeper as I do above artist or poet, beauty or genius.

              by Alexandra Lynch on Sun Mar 10, 2013 at 08:51:30 PM PDT

              [ Parent ]

            •  bullshit (0+ / 0-)

              since a lot of men in BDSM play are senior-level exec types--- are you saying they're just WONDERFUL to their wives and employees, and then have some rough sex play elsewhere? NOPE-- au contraire! They get to lose control and be punished by the domme for their behavior with everyone else-- and with no intention of changing that behavior, because being with the domme just "hurts so good".

              You're right that that doesn't motivate everyone, of course, but it IS a motivation for some.

          •  I don't play with anyone playing that game. (2+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Silverleaf, Horace Boothroyd III

            But then, I'm not a pro; I have the luxury of inquiring into people's motives for taking pain from me.

            When you come to find how essential the comfort of a well-kept home is to the bodily strength and good conditions, to a sound mind and spirit, and useful days, you will reverence the good housekeeper as I do above artist or poet, beauty or genius.

            by Alexandra Lynch on Sun Mar 10, 2013 at 08:47:30 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

        •  Yes. Confession and penance all in one. (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          Horace Boothroyd III

          I actually gave a friend of mine a beating once for that reason.

          She had said something that led to a friend's marriage collapsing, and while it wasn't her fault that the friend was cheating on his wife, she felt horrible about breaking the confidence and the consequences.

          After a while of this, I said, "Look. If you want punished for opening your mouth at the wrong time, I'll beat you, but when we're done? It's OVER. No more self-flagellation and guilt. And I'll leave marks so that when they hurt over the next few days you can remind yourself you were punished for this, and stop the guilt trips."

          And we did, and it worked.

          When you come to find how essential the comfort of a well-kept home is to the bodily strength and good conditions, to a sound mind and spirit, and useful days, you will reverence the good housekeeper as I do above artist or poet, beauty or genius.

          by Alexandra Lynch on Sun Mar 10, 2013 at 08:43:33 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  And....? (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Alexandra Lynch

            Sorry -- I CANNOT agree that this is just peachy penance. "Oh, I was SO SO bad-- please give me physical punishment, just like I'm a bad little girl!"  How is this different than Domestic Discipline arrangements, where physical punishment lets women get off the hook (painfully, but off the hook) for their mistakes, instead of acting like mature grown-ups in dealing with the tribulations of life? Does your friend beat her children for similar reasons.......? Isn't that always the kind of rationale that adults DO use to beat kids, or do you distinguish because here the beating (and yep, at least you're honest enough to call it a beating) because your friend wanted "marks" that would last?

            •  then again-- (1+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              Alexandra Lynch

              I've never understood the whole religious flagellation thing, either.

              Thanks for posting on this topic, anyway!!!!

            •  She asked me to help with this. (1+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              Horace Boothroyd III

              You see, I didn't think she needed to keep feeling guilty about the situation, and she agreed; when everyone in the friendsgroup knows that Idiot is cheating on his wife, sooner or later someone's going to make an inadvertent comment and spill the beans. He shouldn't have asked her to keep the secret in the first place. And she said yes, she understood this intellectually, and she entirely agreed.....but she couldn't get over feeling guilty about it. She admitted it was irrational, and wanted my help to deal with it.

              Well, I read Domestic Discipline people as people who are kinky but not able to admit that the spankings are for fun more than actual punishment.

              There is a useful concept in the kink community known as "funishment". Many people find the concept of being physically punished for misdeeds to be really hot. However, because we are ethical, we play the game with, "because you are too sexy in that dress," and there's a grin on all faces involved, and safewords.  Is it abusive of the sort you detail if it's serious? Yes. But we know it and avoid it, because we are only using play power, and funishment games.

              When you come to find how essential the comfort of a well-kept home is to the bodily strength and good conditions, to a sound mind and spirit, and useful days, you will reverence the good housekeeper as I do above artist or poet, beauty or genius.

              by Alexandra Lynch on Sun Mar 10, 2013 at 09:10:53 PM PDT

              [ Parent ]

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site