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View Diary: Dear Mr. Saletan (NSFW) (64 comments)

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  •  Yes. Confession and penance all in one. (1+ / 0-)
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    Horace Boothroyd III

    I actually gave a friend of mine a beating once for that reason.

    She had said something that led to a friend's marriage collapsing, and while it wasn't her fault that the friend was cheating on his wife, she felt horrible about breaking the confidence and the consequences.

    After a while of this, I said, "Look. If you want punished for opening your mouth at the wrong time, I'll beat you, but when we're done? It's OVER. No more self-flagellation and guilt. And I'll leave marks so that when they hurt over the next few days you can remind yourself you were punished for this, and stop the guilt trips."

    And we did, and it worked.

    When you come to find how essential the comfort of a well-kept home is to the bodily strength and good conditions, to a sound mind and spirit, and useful days, you will reverence the good housekeeper as I do above artist or poet, beauty or genius.

    by Alexandra Lynch on Sun Mar 10, 2013 at 08:43:33 PM PDT

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    •  And....? (1+ / 0-)
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      Alexandra Lynch

      Sorry -- I CANNOT agree that this is just peachy penance. "Oh, I was SO SO bad-- please give me physical punishment, just like I'm a bad little girl!"  How is this different than Domestic Discipline arrangements, where physical punishment lets women get off the hook (painfully, but off the hook) for their mistakes, instead of acting like mature grown-ups in dealing with the tribulations of life? Does your friend beat her children for similar reasons.......? Isn't that always the kind of rationale that adults DO use to beat kids, or do you distinguish because here the beating (and yep, at least you're honest enough to call it a beating) because your friend wanted "marks" that would last?

      •  then again-- (1+ / 0-)
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        Alexandra Lynch

        I've never understood the whole religious flagellation thing, either.

        Thanks for posting on this topic, anyway!!!!

      •  She asked me to help with this. (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Horace Boothroyd III

        You see, I didn't think she needed to keep feeling guilty about the situation, and she agreed; when everyone in the friendsgroup knows that Idiot is cheating on his wife, sooner or later someone's going to make an inadvertent comment and spill the beans. He shouldn't have asked her to keep the secret in the first place. And she said yes, she understood this intellectually, and she entirely agreed.....but she couldn't get over feeling guilty about it. She admitted it was irrational, and wanted my help to deal with it.

        Well, I read Domestic Discipline people as people who are kinky but not able to admit that the spankings are for fun more than actual punishment.

        There is a useful concept in the kink community known as "funishment". Many people find the concept of being physically punished for misdeeds to be really hot. However, because we are ethical, we play the game with, "because you are too sexy in that dress," and there's a grin on all faces involved, and safewords.  Is it abusive of the sort you detail if it's serious? Yes. But we know it and avoid it, because we are only using play power, and funishment games.

        When you come to find how essential the comfort of a well-kept home is to the bodily strength and good conditions, to a sound mind and spirit, and useful days, you will reverence the good housekeeper as I do above artist or poet, beauty or genius.

        by Alexandra Lynch on Sun Mar 10, 2013 at 09:10:53 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

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