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  •  Just the other day, for the first time in quite a (2+ / 0-)
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    Aji, Kay Observer2

    while, actually, I thought those words:  "So the old bastard won after all."

    I was feeling (again) the weight of things that can't be repaired, because recovery is long and life is short, and it's just too late.  I was feeling the losses.  I was feeling the bitterness of having gotten so little done of the work that's closest to my heart, because I was paralyzed for so long by self-doubt and hidden terrors.  I was facing, on a deeper level than before, the fact that my life has probably been shortened, and my ability to do anything from cooking to computer work to going to a movie with a friend has definitely been limited, and even my simple ability to walk in the woods and on the hills that I love, my refuge and cathedral, has been severely impaired; and the underlying ailments are primarily those "stress-related" devils that haunt abuse survivers.  So I was feeling angry and bitter, and thought, "The old bastard won."

    But I haven't stayed in that place.  Scarred is not the same as defeated.  I haven't been defeated.  Healing may not be complete but it's still been profound. I've fought for my life, I've paid for it in the coin of hard truth laid bare in my heart inch by inch; I've held on with the help of loyal fellow travellers, and I have every right to every bit of sweetness and beauty and love that I can still have.  It's not over yet.

    Aji, you know this quote.  It's PDNC's tag line:

    •    "It is in the shelter of each other that people live."

    You are a person who has given shelter to many, in many ways. You've given heat in the winter, food, hope, care. You've given friendship, insight, shared laughter. You've been wounded and overburdened, but not defeated.  I've never met you, and I know that.  I hope in your core you know it too.

    Blessings and comfort to you and yours.

    --------------------- “These are troubling times. Corporation are treated like people. People are treated like things. …And if we ever needed to vote, we sure do need to vote now.” -- Rev. Dr. William J. Barber

    by Fiona West on Mon Mar 18, 2013 at 02:11:52 PM PDT

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