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View Diary: Steubenville: It Takes a Village... to Vilify a Victim (108 comments)

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  •  Right on. (9+ / 0-)
    Men are not hapless victims that have no control over the sexual attractiveness of women.
    I think as a man I find myself disturbed by the remarkably low standard our society has set for us, and how badly we're backsliding against former progress. The thing that's tragic too is that too many of our young women are buying into the lie they're being sold about their "place" in the world.

    I'm with the feminists on the whole issue. I agree when you say they are the closet to correct. I think really damn close. Like right up on it.

    The sense of entitlement amongst too many men is disgusting. The patriarchal view of other humans as property extends beyond women as well, though women certainly take the brunt of it. Children as property seems to be a reemerging viewpoint.

    Your description of how different the Steubenville case would have been viewed with the "Christian Cheerleader" and the "white trash trailer park kid" got me thinking that even in that case, the victim would still likely be portrayed in media as "someone's daughter" and "from a good family." Which in the case of rape one's background and family relationships are of course irrelevant.

    I do my best to speak against patriarchal bullshit whenever I hear it. The good guys, and there are many right here on Daily Kos, need to do everything possible to confront patriarchy.

    Denise Oliver Velez wrote an outstanding piece called Ending racism—one person at a time, in which she had this to say:

    When I look at a headline like this: "Eighty-Eight Percent of Romney Voters Were White," I'm not talking to those whites. This is addressed to the 56 percent of whites who voted for President Obama.

    To narrow it even further, this is really a plea to those white people who consider themselves to be progressive. I have no idea what percentage of that 56 percent think of themselves in those terms.

    But if you are one of them, this is written to you. You have to become part of an anti-racism vanguard.

    ...

    I really don't care what you have decided your main cause is—the environment, climate change, Occupy Wall Street, feminism, gay rights, health care, education, the war ... all worthy.  

    This is not about causes. This is about ending racism.

    It starts and ends with you.

    I think we've reached a point where it's time to have this same conversation with men about Patriarchy. I'm not suggesting women need men to improve their situations (women don't), but I am suggesting that progressive men have an obligation to join the anti-patriarchy vanguard, for the same reason's Denise raises about why we need to join the anti-racism vanguard:
    Few of you get up each morning and say as you look in the mirror while you brush your teeth, "Today, I'm going out to do battle against racism." You aren't driven by that, your whole life is not shaped by being the wrong color, and though you may get outraged from time to time, when reminded by the more heinous offenses against us, it isn't your rallying cry. You expect us to lead the various poc civil rights movements from our own segregated spaces and you'll join in from time to time, or perhaps make a donation to "our" worthy causes. You don't wake up in the morning each day and say to yourselves—I have white privilege, and that's not alright.

    "Nach dem Spiel ist vor dem Spiel." -Sepp Herberger

    by surfbird007 on Thu Mar 21, 2013 at 09:46:58 AM PDT

    •  An interesting try in that direction (4+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      surfbird007, Diane Gee, mrkvica, Chi

      Our mayor has called for a rally of 10,000 men this Saturday, to stand against domestic violence.
      http://www.dallasmenagainstabuse.com/

      One of our columnists wrote

      Rawlings’ “real men don’t hit women” approach frames domestic violence not as a “women’s isssue,” nor as an earnest, gender-neutral, vegan-greens-and-Birkenstocks lefty crusade.

      Rather daringly, this campaign squarely targets the beer-swillin’, sports-lovin’, pickup-drivin’ dudes in the room. It says: Hit a woman, you lose your man card.

      It acknowledges the solidarity of the fraternity but seeks to redefine its terms. It doesn’t pretend there isn’t a boys’ club, but it says that if you hit your wife or your girlfriend, we’re throwing your butt out. It threatens the very thing that insecure men most fear losing before their peers: Their masculinity.
      http://www.dallasnews.com/...

      "No one life is more important than another. No one voice is more valid than another. Each life is a treasure. Each voice deserves to be heard." Patriot Daily News Clearinghouse & Onomastic

      by Catte Nappe on Thu Mar 21, 2013 at 12:39:29 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Wow. This is interesting. What propmpted this? (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Diane Gee, surfbird007

        Used to live in Dallas. thanks.

        "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." -- JC, Matthew 6:24

        by Chi on Thu Mar 21, 2013 at 03:26:20 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  Several things prompted it (2+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          Chi, surfbird007

          Some ugly local examples. Newtown, even. And recently the mayor has revealed he's got close personal relatives who have been victims, although so far he hasn't shared details.

          The city’s response came days after a man was accused of killing his estranged wife in a UT Southwestern parking garage. Police say Karen Cox Smith, 40, was gunned down by Ferdinand Smith on Jan. 8 while an abuse warrant was outstanding for his arrest. He had been accused in December of trying to strangle his wife.

          Police say Smith’s slaying is part of the troubling trend of domestic violence murders, which jumped from 10 to 26 between 2011 and 2012. So far this month, police have reported four in Dallas, as well as several others in surrounding areas, including the murder-suicide of an estranged couple outside their daughter’s birthday party Saturday in Grapevine.

          Rawlings’ chief of staff said the mayor had been troubled by recent violence, including the Connecticut school massacre and the uptick in local domestic violence deaths. Smith’s death spurred him to action.

          http://www.dallasnews.com/...

          This  one happened last fall - she was on 911 as she was attacked, killed and died. The tapes of the 911 call just recently came out. It was two days before police entered the home and found her body.

          Most of the news coverage of Deanna Cook’s August murder has been rightfully focused on that horrific final 911 call that Cook made as she was fatally attacked.
          http://crimeblog.dallasnews.com/...
          Dallas Mayor Mike Rawlings said some of his family members have been victims of domestic violence, which serves as motivation for his recent push to make men more aware of abuse.
          "I've had some very, very close family members," as well as friends and co-workers, who have faced domestic violence, Rawlings told the newspaper.
          http://abclocal.go.com/...

          "No one life is more important than another. No one voice is more valid than another. Each life is a treasure. Each voice deserves to be heard." Patriot Daily News Clearinghouse & Onomastic

          by Catte Nappe on Thu Mar 21, 2013 at 04:46:51 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

    •  So do I but then again I am coming from a place (0+ / 0-)

      that has extremely high standards for consent.  To be specific, no alcohol or recreational drugs that day period.  Not to mention detailed discussions beforehand each time about what is desired and what is not allowed and once something is mentioned as off limits it stays that way for the rest of the "play" time no matter how much your partner may beg for it in the middle of things (because you can't give meaningful consent when the endorphins are flying around like that).  And yes, those harsh standards are absolutely necessary.

      You have watched Faux News, now lose 2d10 SAN.

      by Throw The Bums Out on Thu Mar 21, 2013 at 01:09:33 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

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