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View Diary: The Private Side of Republican Crazy (130 comments)

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  •  It's a hard one... (15+ / 0-)

    Place sanity first.  

    My sister has problems with alcoholism, but she is nearest to my parents - and my very abusive mom always sends her into a tailspin. I actually wish my mom would die sooner rather than later, just to lesson the damage and risk to my sister.

    But guilt is real, too... and I feel it. Parents were always so powerful when we were children, but now the situation is reversed. We have a lot more agency, a lot more power, a lot more capacity. They are smaller, physically and emotionally. Sometimes actually seeing them dispels some of the voodoo. I don't know you and can't recommend a course of action - but after years of being estranged from my own parents, I do occasionally call them now and have seen them a couple times in the last few years. If it helps, I sometimes try to remember that they were once children too, and that someone once loved them... and visit them in memory of my grandparents as much as anyone else. I found that visiting them was not as difficult as I'd made it out to be, though I still procrastinate.  

    “If the misery of the poor be caused not by the laws of nature, but by our institutions, great is our sin.” Charles Darwin

    by ivorybill on Mon Apr 08, 2013 at 01:24:39 AM PDT

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    •  Thank you for your comment (14+ / 0-)

      I am as you say the powerful one today and she is the weak one. She receives good care from my sister who lives with her (never married) and whose life she has destroyed by her control and emotional manipulation. I was physically and verbally abused by her when she was strong and I was a helpless child. Yeah. Beaten and left bleeding with scratches and bites all over my arms and hands. I used to see my mother as a wild animal that had to be restrained. Her words and emotional attacks were worse. And yeah she lived as a respectable member of the society. Still does.

      I ran away from home at a rather grown up age to save myself and since then it has been the long road to self healing while she is always "there"

      I didn't turn into her. Did not abuse my kids and have a pretty mild personality (her exact opposite).

      She has not changed, not sorry, still delusional and still demanding which does not help but further alienate me. Last time I visited her was years ago. I call her briefly on the weekends. Yet after each call no matter how short it is I tense and tighten up with anxiety. She still does her verbal needling, the put downs which makes me want to puke.

      I need her and her memory to leave me once and all. I need closure and never to look back again.

      "Corruptio Optimi Pessima" (Corruption of the best is the worst)

      by zenox on Mon Apr 08, 2013 at 04:17:28 AM PDT

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      •  I'm so sorry (13+ / 0-)

        you're in this situation. From reading what you wrote about your physical abuse as a child, it sounds like your mother has long been mentally ill. If that is true, I don't see how you could possibly communicate effectively with her. It's clearly not your fault, but made much more difficult by our culturally imposed glowing ideals of motherhood.

        You are not the crazy one, but an heroic survivor who obviously cares about others. I hope you will take care of yourself during this time of painfully mixed feelings. Of course, I am not a professional, but this might be a good time to talk to one if you can.

        "Let each unique song be sung and the spell of differentiation be broken" - Winter Rabbit

        by cotterperson on Mon Apr 08, 2013 at 08:45:26 AM PDT

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        •  I do read and research about these things. (2+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          cotterperson, Penny GC

          I am also a Jung fan. I am not a professional but I do believe my mother is suffering from borderline personality disorder in addition to paranoid narcisizm.

          Here is one memory: I was in junior high preparing to go to school in the morning of the last day of the school year before the beginning of the long summer break during which I wouldn't see most of my classmates. So that day was important and we were to have food and fun and games and say goodbye to each other for the summer. My mother watched me get ready in excitement and just before I walked out the door she said I couldn't go since there were no classes scheduled that day.

          That was it. I couldn't go. When my face sunk in horror I saw the quick glimpse of a malicious grin on her face. Yeah my emotional distress gave her pleasure. That was schadenfreude.

          My deep distress gratified her.She liked hurting others.

          Schadenfreude, especially at the expense of your child is "evil."

          I am not sure if there is a remedy for that...

          How did I survive? I read books. Many many books, classics, encyclopedias maps to dream about worlds.

          I have a very rich imagination as the result ...:))

          "Corruptio Optimi Pessima" (Corruption of the best is the worst)

          by zenox on Mon Apr 08, 2013 at 03:12:16 PM PDT

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          •  That's beyond schadenfreude. It's sadism. (3+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            cotterperson, zenox, Creosote

            Your mother didn't merely enjoy your misfortune, she created it. Sounds like an incurable personality disorder to me.

            "Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom." -- Thomas Jefferson

            by pianogramma on Mon Apr 08, 2013 at 03:35:01 PM PDT

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            •  Yeah. I was too young to figure it out then (2+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              pianogramma, cotterperson

              ...but I knew something was deeply screwed up with what happened. Kids know.

              I know now that "evil" has a need for hurting others for no reason other than hurting others. It feeds on it.  It is a choice. It is willful.

              Today, what is happening in the Congress is the same kind. They know they are hurting people and they do it anyway not because they think it makes sense but because they can and it is gratifying to them.

              Racism? Same. Desire for more wars? Same.  Koch brothers? Same? Scalia? Same. Cheney? Same.

              Insanity? Yes. But willful. There is no remedy for fixing it unless a miracle comes from within. It is what it is. It is motivated by its desire to hurt others. That's where its nourishment comes from.

              To me, human kind has one true enemy. And it is that, the one I faced as a kid.

              It can show up anywhere, even in the guise of a mother.

              Thank you all for reading. And don't worry for me. As the song goes, " what doesn't kill you make you stronger." I now want to put my experience in good use. By raising awareness of the damned thing.

              "Corruptio Optimi Pessima" (Corruption of the best is the worst)

              by zenox on Mon Apr 08, 2013 at 05:01:07 PM PDT

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          •  How mean!! (1+ / 0-)
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            I just can't imagine that, really, but I'm glad to hear you found other realities by reading! I'm a Jung fan myself and a former junior high remedial reading teacher to boot, so I especially admire your choice ;)

            All the very best to you!

            "Let each unique song be sung and the spell of differentiation be broken" - Winter Rabbit

            by cotterperson on Mon Apr 08, 2013 at 04:18:47 PM PDT

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            •  Thank you. (1+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:

              "Corruptio Optimi Pessima" (Corruption of the best is the worst)

              by zenox on Mon Apr 08, 2013 at 05:02:30 PM PDT

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              •  And yeah, the "private side of Republican" (1+ / 0-)
                Recommended by:

                ...crazy" indeed.

                A " crazy" for which there is no remedy until it gets old and dies...from natural causes.

                We just have to learn from and survive it.

                "Corruptio Optimi Pessima" (Corruption of the best is the worst)

                by zenox on Mon Apr 08, 2013 at 05:21:03 PM PDT

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