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View Diary: The Private Side of Republican Crazy (130 comments)

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  •  It's Multigenerational Personalities Disorders (5+ / 0-)

    Thats' the other half of the equation - people tend to marry someone just like dear old mom or dad, to the extent that it really can get extremely creepy when they settle on someone with the same mental illness and even profession. The parents may barely tolerate their son/daughter but practically adopt their kid's spouse because it's the son/daughter in-law who is almost the parents evil clone.

    Then you ask the friend that everyone is curious why they would marry someone exactly like their abusive parent and they say "WHAT?" because for some reason they are the only person in the world who doesn't see it.

    There’s always free cheddar in a mousetrap, baby

    by bernardpliers on Mon Apr 08, 2013 at 09:48:28 AM PDT

    [ Parent ]

    •  Heartbreakingly, this is exactly what happened (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      bernardpliers, Penny GC, Creosote

      to my most abused sister. At 18 she escaped into marriage with a delusional, narcissistic, hyper-controlling abusive deadbeat, even more grandiose than my father and with a much sicker fantasy life. My father hated her husband at first sight (paranoids tend to reject reflections of themselves in others). Ran him out of the house at gunpoint while actively campaigning for Congress. It anguishes me to contemplate the trajectory of her life. (They are still married. He still controls her. She still worships him.)

      By the age of 14, I was determined not to marry a man who was mean like Daddy. Despite resolving to wait until I'd finished college, I too escaped into a young marriage. Inevitably my husband has some traits in common with my parents, but he also has some of my father's positive traits. With much work, we are content in our relationship.

      "Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom." -- Thomas Jefferson

      by pianogramma on Mon Apr 08, 2013 at 12:13:55 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  Choosing a spouse with the same type of (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      bernardpliers, Creosote

      familial disfunction seems to me the result of a resonance on some kind of a cellular level- it is viscerally familiar even tho it is a destructive force.

      My parents were both teetotaling children of alcoholic fathers and both were emotionally shut down in the same way- perfect for each other.

      Needless to say, growing up in such a disconnected and shut-down family was like living in an emotional desert.

      Neither my sister or brother are connected to me or each other.

      'A scarlet tanager broke the silence with his song. She thought of the bird hidden in the leaves somewhere, unseen but nevertheless brilliant red. Nevertheless beautiful.' Barbara Kingsolver/ Prodigal Summer

      by flowerfarmer on Mon Apr 08, 2013 at 01:12:58 PM PDT

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      •  We're Attracted To The Familiar More Than The Good (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        flowerfarmer, Penny GC

        I thought it was Jung who said something like this.

        There’s always free cheddar in a mousetrap, baby

        by bernardpliers on Mon Apr 08, 2013 at 02:12:50 PM PDT

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      •  Or It's The Partner That Zeros In On Them (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:

        I swear, you can practically spot the adult who was badly abused on a silent B&W security camera video.  I think the abusive personality has can spot them from a hundred yards away.

        There’s always free cheddar in a mousetrap, baby

        by bernardpliers on Mon Apr 08, 2013 at 06:55:11 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  I agree with this, Bernardpliers. (0+ / 0-)

          And the abused kid simply doesn't have the knowledge of early warming signs, as they grew up having their boundaries bashed every day.

          I have heard people talk about repetition compulsion, or "feeling comfortable" with mistreatment.  It just doesn't feel true or honest to me.  I think it is simply a matter of not having the knowledge of where the boundaries need to be.  And yeah, abusers look for that.  Know how to manipulate and feed on that.

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