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View Diary: Victim Presumed Guilty or Why Generals Should Not Decide Rape Cases (34 comments)

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  •  If those people providing info to Mrs. Obama (2+ / 0-)
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    Damnit Janet, angelajean

    don't cover what the two of you are witnesses to [and I hope not victims], then she just won't know. My question is: What are the causes, in you opinions, and what might be the cures?

    Those who fought the war in Afghanistan won it. Get them out of Afghanistan NOW . . . It's long past time. To vote for me at NN13: \a href=nn13.democracyforamerica.com/applicants/92/a< Thank you

    by llbear on Sun Apr 28, 2013 at 02:40:22 AM PDT

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    •  Hey Llbear!!!! :) (2+ / 0-)
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      angelajean, llbear

      For me, I was a victim of child abuse.  I'm quite strong in many cases due to it, but just this week, 40 years later, I almost fell apart because I lost my glasses.  I realized why I freak out when I lose or misplace items once the item were my glasses - it all came back to me.  The terror.  Won't go into it.  

      But my dad was an addict.  Horrifically abused as a child.  Genius IQ but a stutterer due to abuse.  It's the whole reason he joined the Navy.  To get away from it all while having others take care of him.

      I think the military is a sanctuary for the dysfunctional.  It's a climate of control out of chaos.  Orders to follow.  Regimen.  But I think it also shelters the abuser.  Not just rapists.  But soldiers who abuse their wives and kids... it's just not a priority for the chain of command.  Besides we all know that the military blames the victim.

      Blame of victims:  not just in rape cases or in homes - but the term "collateral damage" comes to mind.  Maybe military families are seen as collateral damage as well?

      What is so odd is that due to all the domestic violence and abuse around you and all your little friends.... you downplay your own nightmare because it's never as bad as the next kid's down the street.

      Dad will be gone for 6 months in a few weeks - let it slide till then.  Be good till he's gone.  Clean your room like he said and just wait till he's gone.  Don't bring your friends over till he's gone.  Don't let your father know.  

      As to cures?  Maybe not blaming the victim would be a good start.  Higher standards of mental health before being allowed in?  

      I can only remember a few times where my father was taken by the MPs and kept overnight.  Once after a horrible beating which was due to me standing up to one of his whores.  The neighbors couldn't NOT notice and many called.  I was taken away.

      But one time he slammed a door so hard it came back and hit me and my foot got caught under it.  Broke my bones.  Took two guys to take the door off.  My dad left for work.  Neighbor guy went and got my Dad's Chief.  The punishment was for my Dad to come to the base hospital.  We didn't want him there.  

      Heroes.  Parades.  Ribbons....  it's all just a circus.  We weren't seen as people, families.  But as some prop.  

      In the notion of order and rules... there's usually some insanity underneath.

      I'm not sure which came first my Dad's insanity or the culture of living in the military.  I don't know.  But I do know that the military protected my father and fed his addictions and illness.  When they were done, he was mostly deaf and beaten down.  He's alone now.  Completely.  I know he has a gun.  I allowed for him to reunite with me briefly after my Mom's death.  But he's a user.  I'm too much of a liberal to turn my back on someone.  So I didn't for a while but it ...  there's many reasons for me to keep away from him. So I had to let him go again.  

      He's going to die alone.  We live with regrets, broken chains but also I'm a better person for having survived my father, mother and being a "military brat".  

      Brat.  There's no being spoiled while in the military.  It's not a charmed life.

      "Love One Another" ~ George Harrison

      by Damnit Janet on Sun Apr 28, 2013 at 10:16:06 AM PDT

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    •  Una mas (2+ / 0-)
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      angelajean, llbear

      The military sends out huge messages to all.  Just look at the message they are sending to all, not just women - but to the children of those women - when they allow CONVICTED RAPISTS to be treated as fucking heroes.  

      Why would a child of 7 report that her father pulled her up and down the stairs by her hair and her little arms.  Yanking on her unusually thin body like it was a rag doll.  Bruising her, spitting on her.  Why?  Because her fork made a strange sound on the plate at dinner and he didn't like the way you sat your glass down.  It wasn't in the perfect place setting.  He wants order, dammit.  Consistency.  

      Your fork made a screech sound during dinner after a "hard day".  

      So you miss school for several days while things "heal".

      Your Mom won't tell.  Neither can you.  

      But Llbear, you know me.  I did tell.  I told teachers, counselors.  Hell, I made the front yard my light brigade.  I brought about attention.  But to no avail.  They finally sent me away.  

      I came back years later to protect my little brother from the same.  

      I didn't allow it to touch my kids.  They weren't "grandparents".  They were sick.  My kids didn't have to deal with any of it, but they understand my journey.  

      ((((LLbear)))))

      "Love One Another" ~ George Harrison

      by Damnit Janet on Sun Apr 28, 2013 at 10:27:07 AM PDT

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      •  ((((((Janet))))))) (2+ / 0-)
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        llbear, Damnit Janet

        I get the Damnit all the more.

        I agree with you - the military provides a sanctuary for many who should not be protected. My dad was lucky - he was also abused as a kid and used the military as an escape but he found my mom and she helped keep things under control. We had our issues, drinking being the primary one, but he never got violent with any of us. Thank God. Drink turns him into a big loving sap. I don't think that's the way it was with his dad though. He hasn't said but I'm learning how to read between the lines.

        I haven't compared the numbers but I probably should take a look to see how many cases of abuse of children there used to be and there are today... I wonder if there is a similar relationship to the amount of rape cases.

      •  Janet, I'm still digesting these two comments. (1+ / 0-)
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        Damnit Janet

        I think you need to write Michelle Obama a letter - a really long, detailed letter and collaborate with Angie. I'm not sure if it would be a book, but you have friends with stories and so does Angie. Officers and NCO's wives - and is it too early to request the next Democratic President appoint Michelle Obama and Jill Biden to be Inspectors General for Military Families?

        Those who fought the war in Afghanistan won it. Get them out of Afghanistan NOW . . . It's long past time. To vote for me at NN13: \a href=nn13.democracyforamerica.com/applicants/92/a< Thank you

        by llbear on Mon Apr 29, 2013 at 09:37:54 AM PDT

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