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View Diary: Monday Night Cancer Club: What You Want Vs. What You Need (45 comments)

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  •  Nice story, cv l gf, thanks for sharing it. (5+ / 0-)

    I imagine some of us are lucky along those lines, despite having a relatively short life. Good for her for doing what she needed and wanted to do.
    I have many, many regrets myself, some of them staggeringly major and irreversible. At this point though, years after most of them, I'm lucky enough to say my daily life is pretty stable and fulfilling. That was not the case for me in my teens, twenties and thirties, and come to think of it most of my forties too. I should be relieved, I guess, to have had the chance to move past that. No guarantees.

    Some DKos series & groups worth your while: Black Kos, Native American Netroots, KosAbility, Monday Night Cancer Club. If you'd like to join the Motor City Kossacks, send me a Kosmail.

    by peregrine kate on Tue Apr 30, 2013 at 07:02:20 AM PDT

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    •  G'morning! When you think about it, (4+ / 0-)

      in many ways being in the terminal parade has certain advantages (this is my way of saying, "Yeah, it sucks, but....").  You live with a perspective on life that most people don't begin to approach until they're in their 70's at least.  When you realize that time is not infinite and realize it in a way that is concrete and immediate AND you're still well enough to do something about it, everything you do becomes more satisfying and rich.  

      In other words, I don't need to go to Florence (although I'd like to).  This morning, being in the garden is enough to make me happy.  I don't believe in deferring happiness.  Even my kid driving me crazy makes me happy.  And when it's time for me to bow out, I'll have the chance to say everything I want to say to the people I love.  When you realize just how rare that privilege is, a lot of priorities shuffle into place.  My own dad, in his 70's and facing a quintuple bypass which he did not survive, so disbelieved in his death that he left a huge mess for the family to clean up.  It took years.  And his entire family never got to hear goodbye.  It left my sisters shattered in a way they'll never get over.

      So from that perspective, it sucks but.....

      "I speak the truth, not as much as I would, but as much as I dare, and I dare a little the more, as I grow older." --Montaigne

      by DrLori on Tue Apr 30, 2013 at 08:39:37 AM PDT

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      •  Yes. More later. n/t (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        corvaire, cv lurking gf, citylights

        Some DKos series & groups worth your while: Black Kos, Native American Netroots, KosAbility, Monday Night Cancer Club. If you'd like to join the Motor City Kossacks, send me a Kosmail.

        by peregrine kate on Tue Apr 30, 2013 at 09:27:43 AM PDT

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      •  OK. Yes, but--the insight to seize the day (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        corvaire, cv lurking gf

        is valuable, and also surprisingly difficult to maintain. At least it's been so for me as I've slid back over the line toward "health." I think I'm still doing what's most important, most days, but over the weeks it's hard to tell.
        Love this though:

        I don't believe in deferring happiness. Even my kid driving me crazy makes me happy.
        I'm very grateful to have kids to drive me crazy. It could have been otherwise.
        My own older relatives have been very bad in this regard. My 90+ y-o parents still plan to live forever. It is unfortunate, but I can't make them behave any differently now than they have for the past 80+ years.

        Some DKos series & groups worth your while: Black Kos, Native American Netroots, KosAbility, Monday Night Cancer Club. If you'd like to join the Motor City Kossacks, send me a Kosmail.

        by peregrine kate on Tue Apr 30, 2013 at 11:12:16 AM PDT

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        •  I wanted to make it to Ireland to fulfill my (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          peregrine kate

          dad's wish for years after he died from cancer. Now, I'd still like to go, but I like gardening too. I'm long past my "touch" of cancer, but I learned a lot about what matters from facing it, and what I didn't learn then was slammed into me when that car hit me. Overall, I'm lucky. I suppose I regret only my loved ones who have died and I can no longer hug or hear their voices or laughter. I carry those memories in my mind, and I'm grateful for them - I am one of the luckiest people to ever walk this planet I've had such a plethora of wonderful people who loved me and I love - but the physical presence is much missed.

          "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." Mohandas Gandhi

          by cv lurking gf on Tue Apr 30, 2013 at 01:40:13 PM PDT

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          •  Glad you feel lucky, dear cv l gf. A fortunate (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            cv lurking gf

            condition, losses and mourning notwithstanding.

            Some DKos series & groups worth your while: Black Kos, Native American Netroots, KosAbility, Monday Night Cancer Club. If you'd like to join the Motor City Kossacks, send me a Kosmail.

            by peregrine kate on Tue Apr 30, 2013 at 02:43:13 PM PDT

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