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View Diary: College Life, Rape and Public Discourse (83 comments)

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  •  And women have a critical role to play here, by (3+ / 0-)

    saying no to sex with "bad boys" & valuing the importance of considerate, kind partners.

    Where the issue of sex in college turns into the problem of (less about sex, more about power) rape is blurry, but it seems really really important for older, experienced women especially (mothers, obviously, but others too) to teach young women about what matters in men, & how to avoid learning the hard way about unpleasant characteristics of men with regard to sexual manipulation/exploitation.

    I don't intend to dismiss vast areas of the wide spectrum of sexual interest, desire, experience as wrong... but for the young &--let's face it--naive/innocent, bad initial experiences can last for years & create lifelong problems with intimacy & functionality.  A generation growing up with Internet porn & 50 Shades doesn't need an abstinence-focused traditionalist lecture any more than prior generations needed it--which is to say, not at all--but they DO need honest discussion about caring for & valuing one's partner, even in the context of a one-nighter.

    It's time to start letting sleeping dinosaurs lie, lest we join them in extinction by our consumption of them.

    by Leftcandid on Fri May 03, 2013 at 09:41:46 AM PDT

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    •  Yes, both genders tend to buy into the same myths (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:

      The same media and mythology that tells boys they should be aggressive and dominant tells women they should be passive, but prefer the 'bad boy' over the one who actually does respect them.  And just like the boys, they buy into it because it's really the overwhelming message presented to them.

    •  Though if well written with an eye toward (2+ / 0-)
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      Leftcandid, Batya the Toon

      accuracy 50 Shades and similar things actually help fight against rape culture.  Here is the actual reality behind it.  After comparing written checklists there is a long and detailed (anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour) discussion about what is allowed and what is not allowed to happen as well as any medical conditions that might cause problems before the fun starts.  Not to mention having a ring of old keys handy for the person to drop just in case they get so into it they lose the ability to speak (not uncommon, and usually a VERY good thing) yet need to be able to signal that they need to stop.  Oh, and no alcohol or recreational drugs at all that day as it is very important that everyone have a clear head (and not be dehydrated).

      You have watched Faux News, now lose 2d10 SAN.

      by Throw The Bums Out on Fri May 03, 2013 at 06:11:00 PM PDT

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      •  Sure; my point is more that such discussion is (1+ / 0-)
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        Throw The Bums Out

        much more likely to actually happen & be adhered to among more mature people, rather than younger, less experienced people who might brush it off.  I think the popularity of the book (which I've not read) among young women does expose them to that important concept; my issue is more with what they value in relationship, because the tendency in women to value (being dominated by) an aggressive man is counter to what the world now needs generally, which is greater female empowerment & less male aggression.  My contention is that the extent to which sexual culture continues to reward & praise male aggression is the extent to which global progress is slowed across the board.  So, while not judging BDSM play, my hope is that aggressive male tendencies be overall denied genetic transmission as much as possible.  This runs counter to evolutionary history, which is why it will require a deliberate effort to shift successfully.

        (BTW: fellow-geek props to your sig, although it's probably more like 2d10+4).  

        It's time to start letting sleeping dinosaurs lie, lest we join them in extinction by our consumption of them.

        by Leftcandid on Sat May 04, 2013 at 08:53:57 AM PDT

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