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View Diary: College Life, Rape and Public Discourse (83 comments)

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  •  It's the invalidation-ultimate control of another. (1+ / 0-)
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    Batya the Toon

    Yah, the trick here is that with most sadism and masochism, there are safe words, so it's not really complete control over another or being completely controlled by someone at all. It is the fantasy.

    We talk about this regarding fantasies of those who have been abused or assaulted. When there are been these issues fantasies regarding control are common...but in fantasy we have complete control over the narrative, as we do in "contractual bondage". We have an aggreement with another.

    In complete control over another...we can assault them, torture them, kill them. In those situations there is complete invalidation of the other person. It's as if that person is not valid...or important.

    So I's the combination of control...and invalidation. But on the continuum of control...ultimate control exists only when we no longer care at all about the other person.

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