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View Diary: Thanks to abstinence teaching, Elizabeth Smart felt 'I'm that chewed up piece of gum' (162 comments)

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  •  My mother taught me (11+ / 0-)

    in many direct and indirect ways, that if a man was sexually attracted to you, you were a success. Yeah, getting a degree or great job was nice, too, but being considered attractive was more important.

    And she taught me that I wasn't attractive. I didn't dress right, wasn't outgoing enough, didn't have a good sense of humor, had a bad attitude, didn't wear my hair the right way.

    When I did finally attract a man (the first one she met, though not my first one - and the only one she liked), she expected me to marry.

    He was like her in his criticisms of how I dressed, acted, wore my hair. He was controlling and dominating and verbally abusive. But he wanted to sleep with me, so I figured I was a success.

    When I decided to break up with him, both he and my mother made it difficult for me to follow through with my decision. I felt like a failure.

    I could go on and on. Just another example of the warped, twisted, mix messages we get growing up. And the guys get those messages, though not always directly. They're learning all the time, too.

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