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View Diary: Today I'm 50. Here's what I've learned. (187 comments)

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  •  I don't know if it's always or even mainly (10+ / 0-)

    contempt -- but I do know that if you sleep too soon with a man, he is less likely to bond with you and more likely to see it as a one-time escapade.

    When I was in my early 20's and not interested in settling down to one guy, I had my share of one night stands.  They were fine, I enjoyed them in the moment, and forgot about them soon after.  I didn't lose respect for the guys I slept with - but my intention was never anything beyond the moment.  

    The relationships that have been long-lasting were the ones where I took my time in getting to know and trust the man, and vice versa.  So that when we finally did the deed, it had some meaning and it served as a further bonding in the relationship.

    There's nothing wrong with casual sex, as long as you're as careful about it as can be.  But expecting it to lead to a long term relationship will usually result in disappointment.  If I had a daughter, that is most definitely one of life's lessons I'd try to be teaching her.  It's a concept I have discussed with my son on more than one occasion, much to his embarrassment.  

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