Skip to main content

View Diary: What Does Being Gay In America Mean? (72 comments)

Comment Preferences

  •  Just another perspective... (6+ / 0-)

    ....I've always looked good enough (but no more than that) and had the education and sort-of-but-not-really the income to participate in the white male "privileged" community, but I've always felt out of place in it due to the fact that I prefer hanging out in groups of 2 or 3, I prefer playing billiards to dancing (like, by a long way), I'm at my best in the morning, and I prefer classical music and rock to the stuff at most bars - thank goodness for alternative 90s, at least there was something for me there). I have always found having to be "on" for a big group of guys to be more work than fun. And as much as there are plenty of people in those situations I'd have wanted to talk to, I somehow always managed to advertise my lack of buy-in to whichever big partying activity was going on.

    I have gotten involved in other ways - I joined a gay tennis group and became treasurer (not president or social director, mind you), but when I moved too far away to participate much you really find out who your acquaintances are.

    I think instead of worrying about who is portrayed on TV and who accepts or rejects me at whatever bar, the point of things has always been to find a few good friends and go from there. It has served me pretty well.

    Still, you have a good point. It isn't enough for a gay kid just to see a generic gay person in a positive role model. Gay kids who are not white or privileged I'm sure would still would like to be able to look up to someone who looks like they do. That's why the removal of the barriers in the sporting world is so exciting. Many athletes are minorities and come from poor backgrounds.

    As a side note --- whatever Grindr's point is, and we all know what that is, you see everyone on it, and while discrimination of course is the name of the game in that situation, anyone using it gets a picture of his whole community whether he likes it or not (you can't block by income level!).

    Now I shall stop myself before I ramble on. Too late!

    The GOP jobs plan is to manufacture outrage.

    by Doug in SF on Mon Jun 10, 2013 at 05:04:48 PM PDT

    •  WOW! I love what you wrote here. (5+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      sfbob, susans, foresterbob, Doug in SF, LuvSet

      You nailed it and I'm very thankful. Of course, I generally agree.  It's not about having a posse of dozens of friends; it's about having a few close and real friendships that last. Quality is indeed more important than quantity.

      RE: tennis groups and finding out who your friends are

      True that. I've spent years volunteering for everything under the sun and so very few of those I tried connecting with ever stuck around long. Usually, the friendships ended as soon as the activity itself did which is a damn shame.

      RE: role models that are not all white & privileged.

      Hell to the Yes.  Most of my friends couldn't care less when Jason Collins came out in the NBA. (Personally, I was ecstatic!). Now, if only we can get a few NFL and MLB players to come out, then we'll have a real sea change in popular culture. There is room and a real need to have a multicultural group of positive gay role models from across all areas of pop culture--from Logo to the NFL to Hollywood, Silicon Valley and well beyond.

      RE: Grindr

      I can honestly say I've never used it and am damn glad for it.  Don't get me wrong; that's not a moral judgment. But to me, it was merely an online version of what already has been going on for decades in bars and bathhouses. There's always a place for that, but that shouldn't be the template for every gay male interaction. There is a great deal to be said for intimate friendships that don't revolve around partying and sex.

      Being gay shouldn't primarily be about what you wear or who you're sleeping with. At least, it often feels like material possessions and sexual conquests are overly focused on in the gay male world. Sad to say...

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site