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View Diary: Army chief of staff on sexual assault: 'Maybe we have a bigger problem than I imagined.' You think? (120 comments)

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  •  I'm one of those rare birds that understands the (0+ / 0-)

    BDSM culture, I used to be into it, however, I've moved on for various reasons and harbor a lot of ambivalent feelings surrounding it.  The one thing I know for sure is that subs have agency, rape victims do not.  Women indulging in romance novel-esque ravishment fantasies are exercising agency in the same way a sub sometimes constructs a sexually violent scenario and determines what exactly is going to happen, how it's going to happen, and when.  Not to mention: safe words.  If you call the shots and can stop the action at any time, you're not being victimized.  

    If a guy answers "yes" to the query, "Would you force a woman to have sex if you thought you could get away with it", he's confessing to the desire to rape.  Forcing a person to submit, sexually, obliterates the victim's agency.  To admit that it's an attractive prospect, denying a human being's agency and bodily autonomy, is pretty damn evil.

    I don't think anyone's saying this one study is conclusive evidence that half of all men are potential rapists, but there is plenty of compelling evidence that a disturbingly large segment of the male population has a sex, dominance, and violence problem.  If you still have doubts, you haven't seen what passes for "mainstream" pornography these days.  Violence, dehumanization, humiliation, and revenge are common themes in porn that targets a male audience.  Unfortunately, it's so prevalent, so socially acceptable, that I've encountered very few men who willingly admit that it's a problem.  Most men are socially programmed to find it, if not desirable, at the very least, not that big of a deal.

    And when you consider that 1 in 5 women are sexually assaulted, officially, every year, yet most rapes go unreported...  Factor in sexual harassment and we are looking at a number frighteningly close to half of the male population as sexual aggressors.  Unfortunately, the Not My Son/Husband/Brother/Friend attitude prevents us from addressing the issue as a cultural epidemic.  

    No one thinks men are hard-wired to be rapists, but there is a problem with the way boys and young men are socialized that has created and perpetuates rape culture.  Until we can all acknowledge that we're consciously or inadvertently complicit, girls, young women and women of all ages will continue having to live in a world that's hostile to their existence.  

    "I am convinced there is only one way to eliminate these grave evils (of capitalism), namely through the establishment of a socialist economy..." -Albert Einstein

    -7.88, -7.64

    by socindemsclothing on Tue Jun 11, 2013 at 06:46:06 PM PDT

    [ Parent ]

    •  Well I still think there's a similarity (0+ / 0-)

      in the way women label (or mis-label) rape fantasies and the way men don't quite make the connection with rape until the actual word is used, but we can agree to disagree on that.

      I do agree with much of the rest of it. The closest thing to porn I've seen is the stuff on cinemax late at night, which I'm sure pales in comparison to online porn. But I've read enough about it to be pretty horrified, and I absolutely worry about how it affects sexual development. I have a 14 year old grandson, and I really don't want his idea of sex to be colored by images of men treating women like shit.  

      One of the things that sticks in my mind from psych courses is the study of how fetishes develop, and how the earliest experiences and details of arousal can trigger future arousal mechanisms. So I have to wonder how all of the widely available porn featuring violence against women is gonna play out in the generation growing up on it. We've had plenty of conversations with him about rape culture, and I think he gets it- but yeah, the culture is a big problem.

    •  The dynamics of BDSM (0+ / 0-)

      may be beyond most readers.

      Succinctly it is the submissive partner that is in control of the action. If your BDSM does not reflect this, it isn't BDSM.

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