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View Diary: I Outed My Gay Son (redux) (24 comments)

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  •  Thank you for asking (16+ / 0-)

    Javier's father (never married to his mother) abandoned the family when his three sons were very young.  He took his oldest son with him which had a devastating effect on the younger boys.  Later, Javier's mother became a missionary for a non-Catholic religion and moved to a largely-indigenous region of Mexico in an attempt to convert them.  (Mexico is 93% Catholic.)  She put her remaining two sons in the care of her sister who later chased a man to Texas and passed the boys off again, ultimately to be raised by other, unmarried aunts who took the boys in as a family obligation.  The emotional damage of their abandonment was severe.  This was my primary motivation in adopting Javier, even as an adult.  I wanted him to know that I would always be his father.

    I was the first person in whom Javier confided his homosexuality (at age 20).  He's out to everyone, today.

    Happy Fathers' Day!

    Guns don't kill people but there's always one there at the time of death.

    by john07801 on Sun Jun 16, 2013 at 06:09:41 AM PDT

    [ Parent ]

    •  some of us need parenting after 18 (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      john07801, Goingallout

      (or parental love) especially those that didn't get enough love or the right parenting.
      But usually society (at least Western) frowns on us still needing it. Though on the other hand parents today do still parent their college aged kids. But that is their own kids usually not some  unconnected young person.

      You surely changed his life when he was young enough and still innocent enough not to have grown bitter having learned the world  is an unloving place (projecting his own experience on it, it's likely that's what he would have gotten back from the world).

      I'm glad you both found eachother, but that you percieved a need and cared enough to not give a damn about society's rules.

      Sometimes all that's needed  is one person who believes in you.

      •  I needed parenting after age 18 (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Goingallout

        and got it through therapy that lasted into my 40's.  My father wasn't visible in my youth and it was very difficult growing up "alone."  

        When I met Javier, his future was focused around his difficult financial needs (and I was able to placate them, somewhat).  Yeah, he'd been abandoned but he never succumbed to emotions or pity.  

        Spiritually, he never lost a beat; he just knew he needed to get ahead, even if it would be on his own.  And he accomplished his logical goals in spades.  

        Perhaps I helped him most with the emotional issues...I had had practice, after all.

        Guns don't kill people but there's always one there at the time of death.

        by john07801 on Mon Jun 17, 2013 at 02:02:52 AM PDT

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