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View Diary: I'm Out, Are You? Commonmass' Annual Pride Month Coming-Out Diary (173 comments)

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  •  Happy Pride! (41+ / 0-)

    Thanks for this diary, Bill.

    I'm not out yet to my family (as a transman or as a queer person), but I did write a coming-out diary here on DKos once I worked up the courage.

    I had a great coming out to my coworkers, which pretty much involved my closest friends there telling me I was always an honorary man anyway.

    And I had a few close friends tell me they thought I was jsut confused, and should definitely find a new therapist if the current one agreed with my own "perception" of my gender identity. That really hurt.

    I don't know when or how I will come out to my family. They are definitely supportive of gay rights, but are very binary about gender and not understanding of gender dysphoria. I think they're probably okay with anybody else being trans, but not their own child. Because that would not be something they'd be proud to write about in their Christmas letter.

    I am grateful for the areas of my life where people do accept me exactly how I am. Like here on DKos. Thanks.

    Maybe just maybe our foremothers and our forefathers came to this land in different ships. But we're all in the same boat now. - John Lewis

    by bluesheep on Fri Jun 28, 2013 at 02:53:12 PM PDT

    •  I have an idea about how to talk to people (17+ / 0-)

      like your parents. We should talk sometime.

      I resent that. I demand snark, and overly so -- Markos Moulitsas.

      by commonmass on Fri Jun 28, 2013 at 02:57:32 PM PDT

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    •  You might be misreading your parents (9+ / 0-)

      No guarantees, but I thought the same thing about my parents, and I was more than pleasantly surprised.

      "Let’s just move on, treat everybody with firmness, fairness, dignity, compassion and respect. Let’s be Marines." - Sgt. Maj Michael Barrett on DADT repeal

      by kyril on Fri Jun 28, 2013 at 03:15:55 PM PDT

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    •  Coming out as trans to my parents was scary. (13+ / 0-)

      But not, ultimately, as scary as not telling them would have been. It would have essentially meant never seeing them again, as I was firmly on my transition path, having started T, and having an appointment set up for top surgery. My husband (now of 26 years this month and still going strong) and kids knew. Not telling their grandparents would have cut them from our lives, with them never knowing why.

      When I told my mom, she was quiet for a moment, then said, "I'm not surprised," and immediately began working on using the correct pronouns. (She had been the one having to deal with my dysphoric adolescent rage, my dad being stationed in Vietnam during those years and missing most of the fun. She also remembered me telling her when I was a toddler that I was a boy. (Which I don't myself remember.))

      When I told my dad, his first expressed concerns were for my kids and my husband, and when I reassured him we were all good, he said, "Well, you're my kid. There's no gender attached to that. I love you, and that won't change." He has had a harder time with the pronouns. He was always a little more conservative than Mom, but he is trying.

      I think that black hole of unknowing is what makes coming out a challenge. How will this person I am deeply connected to react to this revelation? Please, please, let their love for me win out. Let my trust in them be validated.

      And if that trust is broken in our first conversation, we have to decide if we're going to keep our hopes alive, believing that those we love will come around and allow love to win. That does happen, quite frequently. But sadly, not always. I grieve especially for those youth who come out or are forced out and are brutalized and abandoned by their families. (Which, as a parent, is completely beyond my ken.)

      I don't know what your transition plans are, bluesheep, if you have any and if they include hormones and/or surgery. But best of luck on your path, and I hope you can bring your family along with you.

      Write the wrongs done you in the sand. Write the kindnesses done you in stone.

      by LoosCanN on Fri Jun 28, 2013 at 07:16:30 PM PDT

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