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View Diary: The Doctor is In (60 comments)

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  •  well... (9+ / 0-)

    I inhabit the rock that I will someday perish upon, and people wonder why I am crazy.

    I sing praises in the church of nonsense, but in my heart I'm still an atheist, demanding sense of all things.

    by jbou on Fri Jul 05, 2013 at 09:18:02 PM PDT

    •  Depression Part 2 (9+ / 0-)

      With fun illustrations

      I remember being endlessly entertained by the adventures of my toys. Some days they died repeated, violent deaths, other days they traveled to space or discussed my swim lessons and how I absolutely should be allowed in the deep end of the pool, especially since I was such a talented doggy-paddler.

      I didn't understand why it was fun for me, it just was.

      But as I grew older, it became harder and harder to access that expansive imaginary space that made my toys fun. I remember looking at them and feeling sort of frustrated and confused that things weren't the same.

      I played out all the same story lines that had been fun before, but the meaning had disappeared. Horse's Big Space Adventure transformed into holding a plastic horse in the air, hoping it would somehow be enjoyable for me. Prehistoric Crazy-Bus Death Ride was just smashing a toy bus full of dinosaurs into the wall while feeling sort of bored and unfulfilled.  I could no longer connect to my toys in a way that allowed me to participate in the experience.

      Depression feels almost exactly like that, except about everything.

      My therapist say it's my life.  I wonder what that means.

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