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View Diary: Why Scientists Don't Understand Anything about Sexual Orientation (214 comments)

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  •  There is a distinct difference between a fantasy (4+ / 0-)

    and pursuing an actual encounter.

    People in general can have erotic thoughts about all sorts of scenarios that they would never pursue in real life. And that restraint may be because of societal pressures, or it may be that the person, has no interest in going anywhere with that thought in real life for any number of reasons.

    Erotic art can be stimulating, but that doesn't mean that someone will directly imitate what they see or read. It may simply put sex or sexual arousal on the brain.

    •  that was kinda my point (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      GreenMother, FarWestGirl

      thus my "allow myself" suggestion as opposed to "but don't have any desire to". But you've stated it much better, thanks!

      •  Oh--well I misread. (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:

        Thank you for not taking offense :)

      •  Just think there's a difference between the erotic (0+ / 0-)

        and the sexual, though there's overlap.

        I suspect that women can more fully enjoy the purely non-sexual erotic, as they can hide their physical response.

        Men?  Not so much, and most don't want to be caught with a hard on at "inappropriate" times.

        I think that this is -- to some extent -- what these studies are picking up on regarding the "greater bisexuality" of women.

        Still, both men and women have fantasies that they have no sexual desire to bring to fruition.

        •  but again (0+ / 0-)

          not to beat a dead horse, but "no sexual desire" is completely at odds with "fantasies". I propose "no interest on acting upon those desires" as more accurate, at the risk of splitting hairs.

          •  Are we our fantasies? If you fantasize about (0+ / 0-)

            killing your neighbor for playing their radio too loud, does this make you a murderer?

            Or, to put it more in your language -- When I fantasize such a thing, do I really desire to kill, but choose not to due to other factors?

            I don't think so.

          •  Fantasy is Different than Reality (0+ / 0-)

            Take for instance the classic female rape fantasy. A women may fantasize about being forced to have sex with a strange male. In the fantasy, she is completely in control. She imagines him to look and act like her ideal male and imagines everything they do is exciting. There are no consequences because it didn't actually happen and it isn't actually anything remotely like rape because she was the one who initiated the encounter by imagining it into existence.  In the real world, rape is nothing like her fantasy. She had no choice about it occurring. She has not control over what the male look like, how he acts, what he does to her and the act has real consequences.

            Fantasy only bares a passing resemblance to reality. However the key distinction is that the person fantasizing is in complete control, allowing them to arrange things to their liking and ignore the constraints of reality. This allows people to enjoy  situations that would be not only unappealing but even completely horrifying in real life.

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