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View Diary: Baseball Bats: The Self-Defense Weapon of Choice for Men Comfortable with Their Penis Size (48 comments)

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  •  My penis is above average size and I'm comfortable (0+ / 0-)

    with it.

    Yet for some reason Illinois won't let me hunt with a baseball bat.  Or my dick for that matter.  

    And - maybe it's just due to multiple layers of clothing- when I'm out carrying nothing more then binoculars and a camera (and of course, my dick) scouting duck blind/deer runs pre-season, I often run into deer or other wildlife.  I can tell they react when they see me, but not one has dropped dead from dick envy yet.  

    Maybe it's because visual dick kills only work in-season? Otherwise a good chunk of the male population would be banned from walking around, least the mere gaze of their their trouser-basilisks would leave a legion of corpses in their wake?

    It's because I'm not walking around with a bat down my pants, isn't it?

    A better question though, how is my wife supposed to hunt?  Isn't this kind of an equal opportunity issue?

    •  Unless you depend on hunting for food (0+ / 0-)

      the fact that you do that at all is itself pretty size-suspicious.

      Sign the petition to demand a law-abiding Supreme Court.

      by Troubadour on Tue Jul 16, 2013 at 05:51:03 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Depend on it? No. (0+ / 0-)

        But the price for a yearly hunting permit is cheap.  Assuming a 50% success rate of alotted tags and a few successful duck hunts, it easily pays for itself and then some when you live out in the sticks.  Its not exact math though, because I can't exactly hunt bovines or chickens, and they don't sell venison (they do sell duck though, and its insanely expensive, even frozen)  I'd call them at best, soft equivalents, but 200 pounds of deer is 200 pounds less beef or pork we'd usually end up buying.

        We moved out here to try and live more sustainably a few years ago.  We still need more acerage to really pull it off, and another year's bonus or two to pay for the solar array.  Maybe in another decade or so we'll be there :)

        The only thing size-suspicious living out here is my carbon footprint, and I'm trying really hard to shrink it.

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