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View Diary: The Grieving Room: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (32 comments)

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  •  UP loos forward more than you think (5+ / 0-)

    but as you know I am happy for you, and happy that you found Tonia.

    your life moved forward into new happiness, and you deserve it!

    Politics is like driving. To go backward put it in R. To go forward put it in D.
    Drop by The Grieving Room on Monday nights for support in dealing with grief.

    by TrueBlueMajority on Tue Jul 23, 2013 at 04:16:38 PM PDT

    [ Parent ]

    •  "looks" forward... i typed too fast (5+ / 0-)

      UP is more forward looking than it may seem at first.

      but you don;t need to watch a grief movie--you have moved on better than almost anyone I know.  keep making the most of your new life, bigjac3

      Politics is like driving. To go backward put it in R. To go forward put it in D.
      Drop by The Grieving Room on Monday nights for support in dealing with grief.

      by TrueBlueMajority on Tue Jul 23, 2013 at 04:40:40 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  I never imagined anyone writing anything like that (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        ladybug53, Kit RMP, Randomfactor
        you have moved on better than almost anyone I know.  keep making the most of your new life, bigjac3
        about me,
        especially since I'm more emotionally fragile
        than most folks.

        As I keep telling everyone,
        I've been diagnosed as such:

        cyclothymia

        Like Bipolar II Disorder, symptoms of cyclothymia include periods of hypomania (see above). Depressive symptoms are also present as the hypomania fades. These symptoms. However, are not meet the criteria for a major depressive episode, in other words, are not as severe as those found in Bipolar Disorder.
        I think that's the term
        the psychiatrist used
        to label my disorder.

        I say,
        I'm doing well,
        since Tonia is taking care of me.

        And Tonia is as nearly ideal
        as a person could imagine:

        1. genius
        2. PhD in nursing, and years experience, caregiver for her dying mother, personal care attendant for various disabled folks for years
        3. took care of first wife Pam for two years,
        and lived with mark and Pam, getting to know me, Mark, and my dynamic with wife, Pam, so she could see the dynamic she could expect from me
        4. knew Pam for two years, so that my widower's memories, widower's moments of tears,
        talking about Pam, all understood.

        Before Tonia came along,
        I was worried that I'd find a nice woman,
        a woman who adored me,
        but who would cry and yell,
        every time I mentioned Pam.

        "I can't compete with a dead woman!"
        I could hear her scream.

        No such problem with Tonia.

        Tonia talks about Pam as much as I do.

        Thanks again for the reply.

        Thanks again.

        Bringing a child into the world at this point in history is a crime, the crime of child endangerment.

        by bigjacbigjacbigjac on Wed Jul 24, 2013 at 01:12:19 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  you are fragile AND strong, bigjac3 (2+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          Kit RMP, Randomfactor

          thanks for sharing your diagnosis.  but your diagnosis does not describe you completely.  there is more to you than that.  you are SO much more than that.

          yes you are fragile, maybe more fragile than most people.  your poetry shows that.

          but you are also strong.

          you are strong-willed when you know what you want.  

          through good fortune and your own efforts you have not gotten stuck in the lonely place that some people fall into and never climb out.

          you have been very practical about seizing hold of life and finding someone new, a woman who lets you process your grief in your own way and still moves you forward into new life at the same time.

          that is admirable.  always remember that.

          Politics is like driving. To go backward put it in R. To go forward put it in D.
          Drop by The Grieving Room on Monday nights for support in dealing with grief.

          by TrueBlueMajority on Wed Jul 24, 2013 at 07:56:57 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  The real bottom line on me, (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            TrueBlueMajority

            is that I'm very lucky.

            Tonia is admirable,
            gives me the freedom to cry about Pam,
            gives me great times now,
            building new memories
            for decades to come,
            the last decades of my life.

            I'm mostly lucky.

            My smartest move
            was accepting Tonia,
            when she swept me off my feet.

            Do you realize,
            that as you admire me,
            you should remember I have a very large ego:

            I often daydream
            about a cult following,
            at least,
            fans who dig up all my old diaries and comments,
            and swoon over words like yours:

            You are fragile AND strong, bigjac3.

            Thanks for sharing your diagnosis.  

            But your diagnosis does not describe you completely.  

            There is more to you than that.  

            You are SO much more than that.

            Yes,
            you're fragile,
            maybe more fragile than most people.  

            Your poetry shows that.

            But you are also strong.

            You are strong-willed,
            when you know what you want.  

            Through good fortune,
            and your own efforts,
            you've avoided the lonely pit
            that some people fall into,
            and never climb out of,
            never escape.

            You've been very practical
            about seizing hold of life,
            and finding someone new,
            a woman who lets you
            process your grief
            in your own way,
            yet still moves you forward,
            into a new life,
            at the same time.

            That is admirable.  

            Always remember that.

            I've often said,
            even though it shows me to be self-centered,
            my favorite poetry
            is the words folks write,
            saying something positive,
            anything expressing good feelings,
            about me.

            It makes me cry,
            tears of joy.

            Thank you.

            Bringing a child into the world at this point in history is a crime, the crime of child endangerment.

            by bigjacbigjacbigjac on Sat Jul 27, 2013 at 02:14:33 AM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            •  Well, there's "having a big ego".... (0+ / 0-)

              And then, there's "needing affirmation," which I think is indicative of the social animals that we humans really are, and is very normal, and healthy, IMHO. It is possible, of course, to be/do both. Consider which one is really going on, when you respond to positive messages from others. Just a thought.

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