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View Diary: Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY! (162 comments)

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  •  From my advanced age... (5+ / 0-)

    ... (67), and having gone through a couple of break-ups in my late teens and early 20s that were traumatic for me at the time, I can honestly say that if I had known then what I know now, I wouldn't have been so upset then.  In hindsight, those break-ups were some of the best things that ever happened to me.  Without the break-ups, I couldn't have become the me I am now - and I'm perfectly happy with my emotional and mental health.  (Two were notable and both I cried over hysterically: after the break-up, one became an alcoholic and died as a result; not sure what happened to another one, but glad to be rid of him because he was also a heavy drinker when he was young, so the likelihood of him being an alcoholic is/was also high.  I thank my lucky stars I never had to endure being legally tied to either one of them via a marriage contract.  They are the origins of my gamophobia.)

    If they stay apart permanently, in about ten years she will figure out that breaking up is the best thing that could have happened to her.  Really, no woman wants to be tied to a self-centered, selfish, emotional child.  She needs an equally mature person with whom to share things, but space to do her own thing, too.

    If your daughter starts the 'bargaining' conversation with herself ('if I do this, maybe he'll grow up and be the man I want/need him to be' ~ she can't be his surrogate mother, nor should she have to change herself to adjust to being the person he needs: his mommy), steer her in the direction of reality: significant others or spouses cannot change their mates!  If they are mature individuals, they should not have to.  Magical 'happily ever after' endings only happen in fairy tales.  One should do positive things for one's self.  If, say in a year or two or three when mourning this relationship is over, she meets a mature individual who accepts her for herself and she can accept him for himself, a relationship with an emotionally mature equal will be completely different from this relationship that is going down the tubes.

    Few words will comfort your daughter for the moment, so just be there to listen and give her hugs and a shoulder to cry on.

    I'm sick of attempts to steer this nation from principles evolved in The Age of Reason to hallucinations derived from illiterate herdsmen. ~ Crashing Vor

    by NonnyO on Fri Aug 16, 2013 at 07:17:27 PM PDT

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