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View Diary: Asexuality 101: The invisible orientation (177 comments)

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  •  I mean (11+ / 0-)

    It should be.  Nobody owes anyone an explanation.  But that's not the end of things.  I'm not ace, and I don't want to speak on anyone's behalf here, but having a cogent, familiar identity helps in a lot of circumstances.

    On one level, it helps you say no.  You may have to reject a lot of jerks, but you also might find yourself rejecting people who you honestly like.  You might want to spare their feelings, and you might want to stay friends, and it'll soften your rejection by making it less personal.  Obviously, nobody ever has to do this, but sometimes, you might want to.  It also might dissuade the overly-persistent person.

    Second, it might help you say yes.  "I do like you, but I'm asexual.  This is the kind of relationship we're going to have, if you want that."  It's a lot easier than having to explain the entire history of asexuality.  So awareness helps.  "I'd like to go dinner, but I'm kosher" is easier than "i'd like to go to dinner, but I don't eat X, Y, and Z because X, Y, and Z."

    Third, you're not just saying yes or no to romantic partners.  Relationships are public in a lot of ways - moms, dads, friends, cousins, coworkers.  "Mom, stop calling dates, I'm asexual" gets a point across differently.  Etc.  People stop trying to fix you, start accepting you.  It's easier this when acceptance is out there.

    Fourth, I like being an individual, and having this whole bunch of traits wrapped up in a unique way.  But it's also really nice to have it shared and recognized.  Especially for something that's easily medicalized by an unaccepting society, acceptance means that you don't have to be treated as broken.

    •  Yes, I am 58 and now say (3+ / 0-)

      I'm asexual when a man automatically considers me eligible for the "next step."  It is so easy for me, and now people after initially wondering what I am up to, accept it and I just keep consistent with who I am, and it just becomes natural after a while.  But I did not do this when I was younger, and it caused all sorts of problems, and I thought I was just a miserable failure.  I had no clue that I was dissing men with my disinterest, and it was making them angry.  I just naively believed I would find that special man who loved me, myself.

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