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View Diary: Adoption Series Part 1 - Bitter Truths (101 comments)

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  •  As an adoptive parent (27+ / 0-)

    I found it hard to read your post. My automatic reaction was to say that MY daughter doesn't feel all of that. I think we did a pretty good job as parents and tried to be sensitive to her unique needs as an adoptee. But of course she may feel resonance with some of this that would surprise me.  We were part of an adoptive support group so she wouldn't feel so different. We sent her to a culture camp so she could relate to others from her native country. Interestingly, she mostly related to other adoptees rather than children raised by their bio families. Telltale sign I suppose.

    Adoption is an imperfect solution to a complicated problem.  I'm not sure there are better alternatives short of a major societal shift to support young single mothers and to provide better mental health services to prevent the precipitating problems.  

    It's good to hear from the silent partner in the triad. Keep writing.

    Be bold. Be courageous. Americans are counting on you. Gabby Giffords.

    by Leftleaner on Mon Sep 30, 2013 at 01:12:17 AM PDT

    •  Your comment made me wonder (18+ / 0-)

      if my boys had any of these issues at all. The older one's in Arizona and communication has been problematic lately, but the younger one's sitting right here on the couch. So I asked him. He said he hasn't even thought about it in a long time, and he doesn't feel adopted. It never occurred to me to appreciate how well things turned out with this aspect of our family. It has now.

      One good thing about music, when it hits you feel no pain -Bob Marley

      by Darwinian Detritus on Mon Sep 30, 2013 at 09:32:46 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  A wee bit oversimplified, maybe? (0+ / 0-)

        My adoptive parents went to their graves without knowing how either of us felt about our circumstances. They never even knew we were searching for our natural families. We never shared squat with them. Many adoptees don't.

        You're also not taking into account that many of us experience issues not only to different degrees, but at different times in our life. For many of us, issues are triggered by significant life events: Puberty, marriage, childbirth, death of a loved one, significant loss, etc. To claim your children aren't affected is misleading--since being "unaffected" today doesn't mean they'll be "unaffected" 10 years down the road.



        Also, who would expect a young person to identify or articulate how issues related to something as personal and complex as adoption impact his or her experience? Most adoptees share common issues with identity, attachment, trust, esteem, but they manifest differently--in some way subtle, in some ways not--throughout our lives. And identifying and associating certain behaviors with their causes is beyond most of us, even for the brightest and most self-aware adults.

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