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View Diary: Adoption Series Part 1 - Bitter Truths (101 comments)

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  •  Children are often told about their adoptions (4+ / 0-)

    at a very early age, and they come to accept that term quite easily. (At least that is how it was for me.)

    But at the age of 18, I wanted to make sense of my life. And part of that "making sense" is knowing where you really come from. Like Ladijules explains, there are all these "minor" issues - the shape of the nose - whose is that? The liking of pepperocini - where did that come from? The ability to sing in tune - how did that talent come about?

    And that "minor issue"  occurs even if every single step in life goes okay... Which in many cases, people do not have control over. (No one can guarantee, for instance, that the most excellent adopting parents out there will even survive til the kid is eighteen.)

    My advice is to be very open to the fact that sometime in your child's mid teens or later they will want to find out where they came from, and who gave birth to them. Hopefully this wish is simply part of what makes any person a human being, and not because of any "screw ups"  the adopting family has created. But in any event, if the adopting parents can allow a discussion of this necessary step and facilitate it, and not make it seem like it is their teenager rejecting them, that would be a huge step in helping the teenager make some sense of this all.

    Offer your heart some Joy every day of your life, and spread it along to others.

    by Truedelphi on Mon Sep 30, 2013 at 05:24:13 PM PDT

    [ Parent ]

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