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View Diary: Don't Be That Girl (52 comments)

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  •  I am the guilty party... (0+ / 0-)

    I am the one who wrote that offensive comment that you so detest and I agree that my choice of words were not the best... but they were honest.

    However, I would like to ask you to go and read the entire thread after that comment.  I do not think the portion you captured here reflects the essence of the entire argument.

    I clearly state that it is NEVER the fault of the victim.  EVER.  More importantly, I say over and over again that it the right of a woman to say stop whenever she chooses AND it is the responsibility of the man to STOP whenever that objection is made AND if he does not stop, he is guilty of rape.  I say that several times throughout the thread.  

    The reality though is that men do not stop.  Men cannot simply be told not to rape and then trusted not to rape.  It is too dangerous for a woman to allow herself to be in such a vulnerable position on nothing more than a promise from a "nice" guy.  

    A woman is the person in danger and therefore must be the one who takes charge of her own safety.  Giving women advice on how to do that is not blaming the victim, it is trying to keep women safe.  I like the "Don't be that guy" campaign.  I have never known one women to ever cry rape when it did not happen but I have known several women who were date raped and never said anything.  Those are the women who wished they wouldn't have trusted that bastard, wished they wouldn't have gone back to his place or wish they wouldn't have let him into their house.  They wish they wouldn't have done this or done that.  The fact is, none of that was her fault.  

    None of those things "Caused" her to be raped.  She was raped because the guy was a rapist.  BUT, she may have been able to avoid it with some safety tips.  Just like not picking up hitchhikers is prudent advice for a young lady, so is not going home with a guy you just met if you do not intend on have sex with them.  Do not voluntarily allow yourself to be in a situation that a man can over power you and take what he wants.  You will never be 100% safe from some crazy person who breaks into your house or attacks you while you are jogging but if you can avoid it, do not walk willingly into the wolves den and put yourself in a position where you have to rely on the willingness of a man to do the right thing.  Again, it is NOT THE WOMAN'S FAULT if she is raped but she is the only person who can protect herself from that assault if she is alone with a man.  The sooner she starts to prepare for an attack, the more likely those preparations will be effective.  They should start sometime around the moment they say hello.

    "Perhaps the sentiments contained in the following pages, are not YET sufficiently fashionable to procure them general favour..."

    by Buckeye Nut Schell on Tue Oct 22, 2013 at 07:56:26 AM PDT

    •  This is where I have the most problems: (0+ / 0-)
      The reality though is that men do not stop.  Men cannot simply be told not to rape and then trusted not to rape.  It is too dangerous for a woman to allow herself to be in such a vulnerable position on nothing more than a promise from a "nice" guy.
      Remove the word men and replace with rapist and you would be correct.

      Tell me how a woman is supposed to know which man is a rapist and which man isn't? You do know that rapists are prime examples of perfect citizens. They play a role very, very well. They target their victims and they know what they are doing before any conversation has started. They are very often friends or co-workers, people that you've learned to trust.

      It's time to stop putting the onus on women to solve this problem for each one of us individually and time as a society to start figuring out how to prevent rapists from succeeding at all.

      Conversations that continue to tell women to be careful take away from the conversation that we all seem to be afraid of. How does our society change our culture so that rape is far less common that it is today? If your answer is women need to protect themselves better, than we have no more to say to each other.

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