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View Diary: The Grieving Room: Fragile (107 comments)

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  •  My first visit to TGR (30+ / 0-)

    The cold hard facts-
    July 21, 2011 my 42 year old son, an only child,  died of a massive heart attack alone in his bedroom at home.

    He was an amazing person- a photographer, editor, writer, mentor to many.  He was warm, funny, gentle, caring, compassionate, smart, forgiving, and generally smiling. He rescued two big dogs after buying his home, and they became my furry four legged grandchildren.  His birthday is the day before mine. He came here as an old soul and was the best birthday gift I ever got!  

    Cut to the chase-
    I spent the first year in denial as deep as the waters containing the rusting steel of the Titanic.  I didn't know if I could resurface from the mix of alcohol, tears, and negotiating with God to bring him back to find my way to grace and acceptance.  I have....for today.

    I am not alone in this-
    Every parent who has lost a child has an immediate short hand connection to every other parent who has lost a child.  People say " I can't imagine what you are going through". No, you can't and I hope you never know this deep grief, that subsides for periods of time, but never goes away.

    Thanksgiving was our holiday to always be together. Me cooking, him laughing at my mistakes and naming them.  Each year after he would request "Flaming yams" and "Potato nubs" on the menu.  We went round the table of family and friends and shared what we were grateful for.  Family always on the top of our lists.

    I have learned this-
    There is no right or wrong way to grieve, or to live after such grief.  Grief is as individual as snowflakes and the human hearts capacity to love.  

    I am grateful-
    For the 42 years we had together. for the wonderful memories. For his soul coming to me to be his mother.  For finding a place where I can share this grief with others who can then share theirs with me, and know it will be held with the utmost sacred respect.
    Thank you!

    "Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen." Mort Sahl

    by maggiemae on Mon Oct 21, 2013 at 05:57:42 PM PDT

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