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View Diary: A Truly Original Speech by Rand Paul (8 comments)

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  •  Rand Paul Inaugural Address (8+ / 0-)

    When in the course of human events our forefathers brought forth a great civil war, we the people passed the torch to a new generation of Americans, dedicated to the proposition that all men are created of the people, by the people and for the people. And corporations are people, my friend.

    Arms and the man I sing. Lend me your ears.

    We hold these truths to be self-evident: that happiness is a warm gun; that guns don’t kill people, that justice comes from the barrel of a gun, that smoking guns can come in the form of mushroom clouds, and that, in the words of the old Negro spiritual, clouds got in my way.

    I cannot tell a lie. I am not a crook. Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself. Because there’s something about an Aqua Buddha man.

    There is no substitute for victory. Just because a majority of the Supreme Court declares something to be 'constitutional' does not make it so. I welcome their hatred.

    I feel stupid and contagious, but I will fear no evil, for the only thing to fear is my little dog Falla.

    The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is 'What does a woman want?'

    The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind, slouching toward Bethlehem to be born. But as a self-accredited obstacle, l can assure you that transvaginal ultrasounds have been shown to be an effective decay-preventive celice when used in a conscientiously applied program of moral hygiene and regular professional care.

    God bless America the beautiful. All right, Mr. DeMint, I'm ready for my close-up.

    Dick Cheney 2/14/10: "I was a big supporter of waterboarding" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . UID: 8519

    by Bob Love on Wed Nov 06, 2013 at 12:12:04 PM PST

    •  tis better than mine. (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      anna shane, Bob Love

      What we call god is merely a living creature with superior technology & understanding. If their fragile egos demand prayer, they lose that superiority.

      by agnostic on Wed Nov 06, 2013 at 12:15:13 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  You're right, they write themselves. (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        agnostic

        In truth, I was working on this for a while before you posted yours.

        Dick Cheney 2/14/10: "I was a big supporter of waterboarding" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . UID: 8519

        by Bob Love on Wed Nov 06, 2013 at 12:41:24 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

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