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View Diary: KosAbility: The Post-Holiday Post-Mortem and then... (41 comments)

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  •  about the "grinch" label... (8+ / 0-)

    it's such a relief to have somplace (kosA) where there is understanding that holidays are for some of us not at all what they are popularly thought or expected to be.

    once the biochemistry and physiology enter a state of sensory overload and cognitive pot-holes, the holiday road over the metaphoric river and 'thru the woods becomes so noisy, crowded, hard-shoved & jostled, hyper-fragranced & odored, blindingly bright-lighted, speedingly fast, and laden with demands from others to make their holiday fun and have a blast with them, that you can get blasted into pain and shock beyond coping with the simplest things.

    but if you're an overloaded person and all family within thousands of miles has discarded you because you're useless to them and nearly all friends because you're no fun, things can get very peaceful.

    in the earliest years of being disabled (of which sensory overload is only part), family & friends would get pretty resentfuly toward me for not going wild getting stressed with meeting the picture-postcard holiday idea.  they resented that i didn't and refused to grasp that i couldn't, nor that serious family responsibilities and medical necessities might monopolize my energies and finances.  they resented even more that i wasn't overflowing with gratitude toward them for their graciously including me in their idea of good holidays and their refusal to accept my invitations for quieter, warmer time together.  and they got equally resentful if i tried to beg off from attending their noisey, food-excessive, painfully jovial-grabbing-hugging, one-up-man-ship parties.

    so they called me a grinch.

    i'm grateful these superficial people discarded me.  they waited until both my parents were dead to do it, but then they did it so fast it was a blur.  yet in these years of being severely disabled, i have enjoyed holidays as i never did before, and have appreciated the genuine meaningfulness of them as i never had a chance to do before then.  peacefully, and with thought.

    and i have more sympathy than ever for everyone who needs relief from pressures in the everyday and with holidays get only more pressures instead of a break. the culture we live in is awfully fast and loud and expensive. i hope you'll all be ok.

    i'm extremely grateful for that.

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