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View Diary: Recovery Kos - An Introduction (88 comments)

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  •  A codependent (5+ / 0-)

    My wife has been sober for 22 years.  While not an alcoholic myself, I drank heavily with her before she got help.  The partner can not drink, so I stopped drinking unless I'm out of town on business.
    I accompanied her to AA meetings for the first year, and heard all the cliches, which I'm sure you will, as well.  AA worships "the big book" and I worship nothing - but as an avid skeptic and atheist, I learned to use their book against them.  Read the book obsessively - it will come in handy.
    Many AA members feel that medical help is improper - that is contradicted in the "big book."
    We went to 90 in 90, but I don't think we ever made it 180 meetings.  Our last meeting was her 1 year anniversary, where she read her story and brought the room to tears.
    She reads that to herself at least once a week.  It reminds her that things had gotten too bad to tolerate.
    We had individual and joint counseling for years after she quit - that was an essential component.  Just talking to me didn't work - it had to be a third party, in our case a psychologist.

    Every recovery story is different, and you can learn something from each of them.  Do what you need to do to succeed, whatever it takes.  Mainly, don't drink - even if your ass falls off! (one of the cliches)

    “That which can be destroyed by the truth should be." ― P.C. Hodgell, Seeker's Mask

    by ramblin engineer on Fri Dec 06, 2013 at 10:59:44 AM PST

    •  There's the program... (5+ / 0-)

      and then there's what individual members THINK it is.

      I'm not inclined to worship the Big Book; it's simply useful. Worshiping the book is something that the book's actual content would not encourage since it blurs the distinction between AA and religion while AA's success and appeal rests on that very distinction and AA literature itself insists that nobody in AA is compelled to believe in ANYTHING.

      There are places where you cannot say in meetings that you're an atheist or an agnostic, there are other places where that isn't the case and where there are meetings with those words in the group name. AA's intended to be a big tent despite the efforts of some people to shrink it.

      The god stuff used to grate on me too; I simply found ways of dealing with it that worked for me. I'll use the "G" word in shares but the truth is that by most definitions I'm not a theist. I will personally insist that there's nothing intrinsic to either prayer or meditation that requires belief in the existence of a Supreme Being; those things are useful in and of themselves.

      I began my recovery not in AA but in Al-Anon. I used to wonder why, in any social situation, I'd unerringly zoom in on the biggest drunk, even if they weren't actually drinking. It's easy to get lost in other peoples' problems. I had to get over that before I was willing to look at my own personal history.

    •  The Big Book and 12x12 drove me CRAZY (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      sfbob, Richard Lyon, SixSixSix

      30 years ago. Absolutely bonkers. Now returning to the program having supplemented my life with spiritual development through Buddhism, meditation and yoga I find the wisdom and yes, I do leave the rest.

      RIP Nelson Mandela

      by boatsie on Fri Dec 06, 2013 at 01:18:50 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

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