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View Diary: I Have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (96 comments)

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  •  I used to have an obsession with 444. (10+ / 0-)

    I had read somewhere that 444 was a numerological reference to angels. So for years, at night as I went to bed I would have to knock on the wood of my windowsill three sets of four knocks each. It started out as just a general once, but eventually degraded into one group of three sets of four per each person that I didn't want to die while I was asleep. And whoa if I ever missed aim with a knock for I'd have to start all over from the beginning.

    Thankfully, that ritual went away; I haven't felt the need to do it for years.

    I still freak over my glasses when I go to bed though. It used to be that I'd put my glasses in their case and go to bed and then just right as I was about to fall asleep, I'd get an overwhelming fear that I had laid them in my bed and I was going to roll over and crush them in the night, so I'd have to get up and look in my case to make sure they were in there. But now, it's more that when I put them in their case, I stand there looking at them in the case in my hands and I have this insidious feeling that I'm looking at an illusion and that though I see them there in the case they actually aren't.

    I have a similar illusive feeling over locking my car. I can press the lock button on the door, shut the door, pull on the door handle to make sure the door won't open, but then as I start to walk away from my car, I start to think that it wasn't really locked. So I'll lock it again with my car's remote locker, but even with the horn honk, I worry that I didn't really hear it honk.

    It's unnerving.

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