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View Diary: “Queer” Is Not Just A Synonym For “Gay.” (67 comments)

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  •  I am being careful in saying what I'd like to (6+ / 0-)

    because I know it would no doubt go very very badly if I say this the wrong way.

    ...

    Experiences in dealing with The Q Word vary within the asexual community, and don't often go well.

    We've even had a trans individual in the community told they couldn't call themselves queer without having sexual attraction to somebody. Same thing for the homoromantics and biromantics, who can also get slammed with the 'repressed self-haters' thing at the same time.

    And then there's the issue of heteroromantics who don't feel like 'straight' quite applies... some who don't think 'queer' fits either.

    (And I will tell you, we as a culture don't respect a woman saying "no". We respect a woman saying "no" to specific individual sexual opportunities.)

    ...

    And I'll second the people saying you need to be talking about choosing labels for orientation and gender identity instead of choosing them directly.

    Some people have fluid gender identities and/or orientations. They don't get to pick them, they get to pick labels that match what they are at the moment.

    Same thing for people being able to fine-tune the words they use to describe themselves as the figure it out better over time. Even for people who aren't fluid at all, that can take years.

    •  I grew up in the era when queer (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Cassandra Waites, wader, AoT

      was the standard of opprobrium. As far as I am concerned the word has been reclaimed. Anytime that it gets used on Daily Kos there is usually someone who comes along demanding that it be prohibited.

      •  The reclaimation is the issue for asexuals. (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Papuska, Wee Mama, wader

        It comes down to 'who is allowed to reclaim this word?'

        And that's when the Oppression Olympics get brought into it.

        It doesn't help that the asexuals for whom it matters are in the generations that grew up when the term had already been at least partly reclaimed, so it becomes an issue of who belongs within a wider community.

        For some, it's gone past reclaimed and into being exclusionary.

      •  I don't have a problem with the word either (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        blueoasis

        but I do respect those that do because I have a problem with the use of the word faggot.  I will not tolerate the use of that word in my presence for the same reasons that those who disclaim queer do.  

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