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View Diary: 56 and Engaged: Family Issues (24 comments)

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  •  Wake up... you are the interloper. (19+ / 0-)
    Her kids being together as a unit is very important to her.
    Forgive my bluntness below -- I don't like to see anyone in pain... BUT...

    Blood is thicker than water.

    You "reached out to her platonically"???  Call me cynical, but I doubt that a platonic relationship with a "person you had learned about love with" was your true intent.

    You cannot expect a person of middle age with grown children to suddenly decide to become unset in her ways.  It's not their fault you were not around while they were growing up... and that's what families talk about, among other things.  "Remember when ..."  The more who remember, the more fun it is to talk about.  Remember, they're still very much learning about who THEY are.

    You don't mention any kind of vindictiveness on their part, like they may be jealous and reacting with meanness due to that...

    Listen and learn about who they are... If you and she marry, these will become your kids, too, to SOME extent.  Don't you want to know who they are?  They are part of her, the woman you love.

    As they grow older, they may become sensitive to your being excluded from the discussion, but I would not hold my breath.

    Doesn't sound like the thousands you've spent in therapy has been a good investment.  (I've done couneling, mostly to recovering alcoholics, as I am... FWIW.  So I tend to be blunt and to the point.)

    In short, stop whining... you started this.

    "There's always room for cello." Yo Yo Ma

    by ceebee7 on Sat Jan 18, 2014 at 03:24:16 PM PST

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