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View Diary: NY Mom Writes Anti-Gay Tirade on 7-Year-Old's Birthday Invite (327 comments)

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  •  Its not a question of "getting our hands dirty" (0+ / 0-)

    Or refusing to engage because she "didn't hurt us."  That's just a ridiculous way to look at it.  People who are angry bigots don't change their mind because they are revictimized, as they see it, by the people they've attacked. All Tool did, and all the media did in publishing her number, was give her and people like her a chance to feel that they are what Fred Clark at Slactivist calls a "persecuted hegemon."  That is: they are in the right, they should be acknowledged to be in the right, but powerful forces are arrayed against them. She already thinks that--her lashing out at this couple comes from a place of fear and anxiety that her taken for granted prejudices are not shared by enough people.  By showing her that she is vulnerable and isolated and attacking her you only confirm what she thinks in the first place and harden her attitude. Not that I think her attitude matters--it is what it is--but don't kid yourself that publishing her number or calling to harrass her personally is some kind of noble or effective crusade to change her mind. You are just proving her point, really.

    •  The only thing a bully understands (2+ / 0-)

      is a punch in the mouth... literally or figuratively.  

      I was bullied for years.  I tried talking, I tried reasoning, I tried working through the school administration, until I figured three things out:  1.) Talking doesn't work with bullies, because they don't listen.  2.)  Reasoning doesn't work, because their lashing out isn't reasonable.  3.)  The school admin thinks bullying is fine, because they were bullies themselves and grew up to get a job where they could continue doing so.  

      This woman is a bully.  No amount of coddling and reasoning is going to reach her.  After what she did, do you really think she has any capacity to play nice, or be nice, or change in any way?  I don't.  And if treating her like the garbage she is "proves her point", then it's obvious she doesn't know what the point was in the first place.    

      Bullies are bullies.  They don't change, especially in adulthood.  The best we can do is marginalize and push them aside.  The thing I learned, to the extreme pain of my gentle soul, was that the one and only thing you can do with a bully is get them to shut up.  You shut them up by punching them as hard as you can, or embarrassing them, or humiliating them, until they realize that you are not to be f*cked with, and hopefully this will make them think twice about trying it again.  If they do, you break them.  Does it reinforce their views of themselves as weaklings who need to lash out?  You bet.  But look me in the eye and tell me, honestly, if you think that playing nice has EVER gained anyone anything when dealing with rednecks, evangelicals, and socially-conservative morons.  Does playing nice work with Boehner, Cruz, Rick Scott, etc?  Nope.  Never has, never will.  They have to be humiliated, voted out of office, and kept away from power, forever.  

      The same goes for people like this awful woman.  She doesn't understand fair, or nice, or reasonable... so I'm not about to give it to her.  Don't be afraid, fellow liberals.  Let these people have it, as hard as you can.    

      The schoolyard bully sucker-punches your friend and, as he lays there crying, stands up on the jungle gym and dares anyone to try and knock him off his perch.  Who's going to fault me for trying to take him up on his stupid offer?

      Odds and ends about life in Japan:

      by Hatrax on Fri Feb 14, 2014 at 06:12:56 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  I think people are (0+ / 0-)

      still adjusting the way how the information spread.
      and encouraging the idea “Pen is mightier than sword” is a good thing.

      In an old day,
      People may post her address in the public place, and prosecute her.
      Stone her or knocking on the door to threaten her.
      I’m definitely against that.

      I don’t think many people should call her up middle of night or leave the obnoxious messages. Then I get your point, that’s totally counterproductive and simply give her more ammunition to hate “these kind of people”.

      But the society should know, and let her know what many of us think of her

      She is simply ignorant, and never thought otherwise. She never had a chance to associate outside of her group. It is our duty to wake her up.
      She may learn the easy way or hard way. It’s up to her.

      Once again, I don’t think I’m qualified to do so. I’ll just set back and hope somebody else may succeed. I agree saying  I just “don’t want my hands get dirty” may not the right expression. What I really wanted to say, is, I wish I had a wisdom and means to change her mind, and I don’t.

      Tool diary help to get everybody’s attention. That’s the start. And I believe most of the members of Daily Kos, has a good sense of justice. Some of us may succeed to reach her, and help her understand.  It’s not the revenge. Sooner she would learn is definitely good for her.

      •  Of course now it turns out the whole thing:hoax (0+ / 0-)

        Of course now it turns out the whole thing was a hoax. When will people learn that you can never be embarrassed by taking the high road and waiting a bit before rushing to judgement?

        •  that's exactly my point (0+ / 0-)

          I did tell you, I wouldn't do that neither.

          because  "you can never be embarrassed by taking the high road"

          once again, I wouldn't risk myself to be embarrassed.

          Sound did kind of fishy, since,
          It's hard to imagine, anybody could be that stupid,
          to egg whole world to challenge her.

          But I guess, Tool took his chance
          I still think he was right.
          If he did believe that was the true story, he felt he needed to do something.

          Do you laugh him for that?

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