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  •  Yeah, I think that's my biggest struggle with (4+ / 0-)

    this whole thing.

    Looking back at comments that could be considered unkind, they were never intentionally malicious. That's just not how I am. They were, I believe, objective, but that doesn't go very far when we're talking about humans.

    So I have to learn to remain objective, but also keep my opinions to myself if I have something negative to say about someone. They may be objectively stated, but that doesn't make them kind.

    And I really, really want to strive for kindness in the same way I have strived for objectivity and knowledge. That is a valuable trait that I think I need to prioritize. I've spent too much time trying to conquer intellectual pursuits (which comes from my insecurity about being a high school dropout) and not enough time trying to understand emotions in the same way.

    BTW, what is the past tense of "strive?" I don't think I've ever had to use that before. Spellcheck tells me I'm wrong but offers no alternative.

    P.S. I am not a crackpot.

    by BoiseBlue on Mon Mar 03, 2014 at 05:02:53 PM PST

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    •  I think it's "strove" (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      BoiseBlue, duhban, Ahianne

      or "striven" is the past participle.

      I'm reminded of Wee Mama's sig and diary:

      Gondwana has always been at war with Laurasia.

      by AaronInSanDiego on Mon Mar 03, 2014 at 05:13:00 PM PST

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    •  Strove (8+ / 0-)

      Or "have striven," if you prefer the present perfect.

      Your quest for kindness reminds me of a story that I sometimes use at work, usually to help people forgive themselves or to try to persuade them to not hold themselves to impossibly high standards.  I put it in writing in a diary a few months after I got here back in 2005, but will drag it back for your consideration.

        As a partly humorous, but deeply sincere parable to help people in my business, I've developed a little story I call my philosophy of life.  It explains around 90% of the mysteries of life--those things that cannot otherwise be understood--in three simple words:

      People are stupid.

          There are a couple of things to remember in order to convert this from a misanthropic little rant into a philosophy of life.

          1.  All of us are stupid.  Some of us may have more of a talent for it than others, but sadly being smart and being stupid are far from mutually exclusive.

          2.  If you remember people are stupid, you're not apt to expect more from them than they're likely to deliver.

      Remembering these two things transforms those three words into a philosophy of humility and forgiveness.  If you can learn those two lessons, and explain most of the unexplainables in life besides, that's about all you can expect from a philosophy of life, if you ask me.

      We have always been at war with al Qaeda.

      by Dallasdoc on Mon Mar 03, 2014 at 05:20:52 PM PST

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      •  I love that! (5+ / 0-)

        Glad you brought it here!

        At my office, we have corporate speak that urges us to "celebrate our losses."

        I hate 99% of the corporate catchphrases we throw about, but I really like this one. The thinking is that we can't always avoid failure but that when we do we fail, instead of mourning it let's celebrate it and find out why.

        Because we know we failed at something, but the important thing is that we don't know WHY, and until we celebrate the loss and agree that we don't want it to happen again, we'll never determine the reason for our failure.

        Of course, in corporate world this translates to sitting in endless meetings about the loss, then determining which department deserves the blame so we can ride their ass for the next quarter.

        Other that that, it's a cool concept.

        P.S. I am not a crackpot.

        by BoiseBlue on Mon Mar 03, 2014 at 05:32:56 PM PST

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        •  And make use of your mistakes, and things askew (2+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          janis b, BoiseBlue

          When The Beatles stopped touring, and fell in love with the rapidly expanding possibilities of the studio, they did this continually. Whenever some new experiment turned back on itself, they found a way to loop it into a larger design, to explore the possibilities of their most random discoveries.

          This might be a more effective technique for artists than accountants.

          "Every man has a right to utter what he thinks truth" Samuel Johnson

          by Brecht on Mon Mar 03, 2014 at 07:51:45 PM PST

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      •  Kind of like the dad's advice to his daughter (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:

        about driving, "They're all jerks."

        Heard this in a song on Car Talk.

        "We're not perfect, but they're nuts!" (Barney Frank)

        by JourneyInside on Tue Mar 04, 2014 at 09:34:19 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

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