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View Diary: The Science of Bisexuality (206 comments)

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  •  My list of "yeah, I'd do her" (19+ / 0-)

    is pretty much just as long as my "yeah, I'd do him" when I'm in a fantasy mood...yet I'm in a monogamous opposite gender marriage. (Mr. Scribe and I are both of the opinion that fantasies are harmless -- we can window shop as much as we want, just no fondling the merchandise.) I married him because, well, he rocked my world more than anyone else I knew. Just like you likely married your wife because she rocked your world. I can acknowledge that I'm attracted to other women, even if I don't act on that attraction (just as I don't act on attractions to men other than Mr. Scribe).

    I think your thoughts about bisexuality being used as a bludgeon against gays/lesbians ("they can change, why can't you?") are excellent -- I think there's also still the thought that bisexuals are just gays and lesbians in denial, who are trying to "pass" to suit societal norms and they're just too chicken to be out and proud.

    There's only one rule that I know of, babies -- goddammit, you've got to be kind. -- Kurt Vonnegut

    by Cali Scribe on Sat Mar 29, 2014 at 03:34:21 PM PDT

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    •  Yeah, exactly (15+ / 0-)

      The capability of being attracted to more than one gender does not equal a requirement to act on it.

      Maybe 20 years ago, I went to a conference on bisexuality, and at one workshop we went around and introduced ourselves, several people wondered aloud if they "counted. "  Do you count as bi if you're mostly attracted to one sex, but get involved with the other maybe once every ten years?   If you've never had sex with someone of your own gender, but feel the attraction?  If you like romantic relationships with one gender, but just sex with the other?

      By the time we got around the circle, we were laughing and realizing how alike and how different we were, and how we all "count."

      I shall die, but that is all that I shall do for Death; I am not on his payroll. - Edna St. Vincent Millay

      by Tara the Antisocial Social Worker on Sat Mar 29, 2014 at 03:51:16 PM PDT

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    •  I think there's also a fear... (6+ / 0-)

      ...among many in the gay community that bisexuals are only in it for the sex, and that once the fucking is done bis will always settle down with someone of the opposite sex. I think there are some gay men who won't get involved relationship wise with bi men because their afraid to invest in the relationship because they're afraid the other man will cheat on them with women and eventually dump them for a woman.

      Heck, I have bisexual leanings and I'd be illogically, irrationally apprehensive about being with a bi dude fearing he'd leave me; but then, I have to remind myself that I'd be afraid a full-tilt gay dude would cheat on me too. I seriously have trust issues all around. I at least recognize the problem is me, and not any potential dude I meet.

    •  I think the gay rights movement in the 70's (1+ / 0-)
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      and to some extent up to the present, at least for the "oldtimers," forced the either-you're-gay-or-straight meme for political reasons. Most gay men know that there are straight men out there who are more than willing to seek out gay men for relief. There were a lot of these men (and there still are) who would use gay men for sex and then revile them and deny they had any rights. I think that the either-or dichotomy was intended to combat that hypocrisy. Gay men were forced into the "closet," but the straight men always knew they could find the "closet door" in a restroom or a park.

      However, I don't think that all of these men, nor even most of them, are bisexual, but they are usually perceived that way. The gay community was rightly upset with these men for their double standard. Why was their part in a homosexual act ok, when an admitted homosexual's part was not. The excuse has been that the man who takes the traditional role of insertor is somehow superior to the man who is the insertee, probably because it more typically mimics what is considered the traditional male-female sex roles. Unfortunately, bisexuals have suffered form this paradigm. For this and for several other reasons.

      Part of the problem is our language isn't rich enough to economically codify sexual experience. The word "sex" itself can mean the subject of sex, the gender of a person, the act of using our genitals for pleasure or procreation, the sexual organs themselves and probably more. So much is lumped together here that it is no wonder that our understanding of sex is confused. I think that the main problem is that we tend to confuse sex with sexuality. They are not really the same. I don't think when we speak of homosex that we are necessarily speaking about homosexuality any more than we are speaking about bisex when we are speaking about bisexuality or heterosex when speaking of heterosexuality. The orientation of our sexuality doesn't necessarily mean that the orientation of our sexual activity is exclusively in line with it. Any two (or more if you're so inclined) people can have sex with each other for reasons other than sexuality. While who we have sex with is a part of our sexuality, it is not what defines it. If that were true, all of those gay men and women who got married in the 50's and were faithful to their spouses but longed for a same-sex companion weren't really gay. Right? Two straight men can have sex with each other and still be straight. It happens in prison all the time. Bisexuals have an advantage in that it really doesn't matter, but someone engaging in bisex isn't necessarily bi.

      I have always believed that bisexuals exist, even though I'm gay, and I never bought the either or argument. My feelings are based on my own experience with bisexuals. I have always found that bisexual men are better in bed, and I think that is because they have experience with women. Bisexuals also seemed to be attracted to the person and the possibilities having sex with that person presents. Bisexuals seem more likely to treat sex as an aesthetic experience. They see sex more as an art than as simply a means to get their rocks off. They, in short, enjoy sex for sex itself, be it homo or hetero.  I think that it is sad that bisexuals are given little tolerance by most gays and straights and I think that the  reason is that if you lose your bisexual partner to someone of the opposite sex from you, there is really no way you can compete, particularly in days gone by. What someone of the opposite sex might be able to give them was, and still may be, children.

      Personally, I think that all attraction is based on the biological urge to procreate, even homosexual attraction. I think that even gay attraction is biologically driven by the underlying feeling that the other person would be a good person to make babies with. I think that the gay men who now have families is to some extent a proof of that. Coming out of the closet has made that possible for gay men, and it is a far cry from waiting for a little sexual attention in some dingy toilet.

      "The economy and the environment are, in fact, permanently intertwined. A healthy economy depends on a healthy environment. Can't have one without the other." -- Meteor Blades

      by politically indigo on Sun Mar 30, 2014 at 09:14:24 AM PDT

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