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View Diary: UPDATE: Presenting Volume 8 of the GOP Rape Advisory Chart (54 comments)

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    •  I have two very young granddaughters... (22+ / 0-)

      ..you can imagine how frightened I am for them to grow up into this world, which will probably be worse than it is now.

      I suppose all we can do is protect them, foster in them a sense of 'trust with caution' and prepare them without scaring the crap of of them about other people, ESPECIALLY men.

      How do you instill or teach the skill of 'judging character'?

      "Wealthy the Spirit which knows its own flight. Stealthy the Hunter who slays his own fright. Blessed is the Traveler who journeys the length of the Light."

      by CanisMaximus on Sun May 25, 2014 at 04:57:03 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  honey, it's always been this way. Always. (13+ / 0-)

        Always.
        Sorry you are just now becoming aware of what females live with every. single. day.

        This comment is a natural product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects.

        by blue muon on Sun May 25, 2014 at 05:00:56 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

      •  CanisMaximus: you don't. Trust NO One (7+ / 0-)

        is the watchword.

        Since they will somewhen somewhere be alone, they should also receive, as soon as it can be arranged, good honest self-defense training.

        LBJ, Van Cliburn, Ike, Wendy Davis, Lady Bird, Ann Richards, Barbara Jordan, Molly Ivins, Sully Sullenburger, Drew Brees: Texas is NO Bush League!

        by BlackSheep1 on Sun May 25, 2014 at 06:56:21 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  Yes. (4+ / 0-)

          Yes, yes, yes.

          Everything is a weapon. Everything. And it isn't just a woman's right to defend herself. It's a duty. It simply must be.

          •  gonna ride an airplane? carry knee-his in a pocket (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Azubia

            your seatbelt won't interfere with. Ask for your soda in the can.
            Instant blackjack.
            Who told me about this? FBI counterterrorism instructor, 2006.

            LBJ, Van Cliburn, Ike, Wendy Davis, Lady Bird, Ann Richards, Barbara Jordan, Molly Ivins, Sully Sullenburger, Drew Brees: Texas is NO Bush League!

            by BlackSheep1 on Mon May 26, 2014 at 11:37:11 AM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            •  That's a good one. (2+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              Daulphin, BlackSheep1

              Good for in a car or day sack too.

              My drill instructor father was exceptionally fond of lamps.
              I heard from the time I was 8, hit'em with a lamp. Why?
              There is more than one in every room. They have a heavy base and generally a strong stand. Glass at the top good for slashing. If ya get lucky you might even electrocute the assailant. Whatever you do, make sure he doesn't get up.

              My sister and I got street fighting along with bayonet drills and how to sneak through the house with a gun and not have it taken. Like most situations in self defense, having learned it, I've never had to actually use it. Which is not to say I haven't been in danger. I simply had a better chance to see it was coming because I was not protected from certain ugly truths. I haven't felt afraid, or like my world was much stronger because of it, I have done, for the most part, what the hell I wanted and come out of it so far, scared but not scared.

              (Thank you to my father for knowing we were tough enough to take it. I miss him so much) Memorial Day indeed.

              •  Smaller, not stronger. (1+ / 0-)
                Recommended by:
                BlackSheep1

                I have not felt like I am more oppressed because my father thought it was necessary to learn certain things, and I  was taught. To the contrary. My world has been bigger because of it.

                Which doesn't justify men raping women or children, ever.
                I simply think that discipline sets you free to do more, not less. At least that's been my experience over the last 49 years.

                •  Mine over the last several decades (1+ / 0-)
                  Recommended by:
                  Azubia

                  First lesson -- Dad threatened me with a spanking if I kept letting a bully on the school bus hurt me. I was a 3d grader.

                  By the time I was 19 I needed to be caught completely by surprise -- as I was by one of my roommate's boyfriends in a dorm on Barksdale -- not to be proactive in my own (and sometimes others') behalf.

                  LBJ, Van Cliburn, Ike, Wendy Davis, Lady Bird, Ann Richards, Barbara Jordan, Molly Ivins, Sully Sullenburger, Drew Brees: Texas is NO Bush League!

                  by BlackSheep1 on Mon May 26, 2014 at 04:55:43 PM PDT

                  [ Parent ]

                  •  If I am reading this right, then I am sorry. (1+ / 0-)
                    Recommended by:
                    BlackSheep1

                    I've been lucky. There is no doubt of that.

                    I worked in ware houses all night for years, alone, painting for non profit theaters. Places where you pull your whole car in,  down the roll up door and lock it. Sometimes it's wiser to stay in and sleep in your car till daylight rather than leave yourself exposed while you pull your car out and get out to shut the roll down and lock it and get back to your car.

                    One night I made a mistake that could have cost me. It was between 3 and 4 in the morning and I'd just gotten home from work. Theater tech work, of course.... I was so tired I didn't pay attention to the guy walking down the sidewalk.

                    Typically I'd just sit still in my car and let the guy go on down the street. No one sees you if you sit still. But I didn't. I stumbled out of my car and crossed the sidewalk to my mail box. He took notice and turned around and came back to me. he was standing just on the other side of a short hedge about 3 feet from me. I didn't get into my box because I didn't want to show him my apartment number. In the back down the alley, of course. When it became clear he wasn't going away, I simply turned around and faced him so he'd know I was there. I don't know how long we stared at each other.

                    He got a nasty old smile on his face and started taking off his pants. Yeah really, right there on the street. I did something he totally did not expect. I ran for my car instead of down the dark alley toward my apartment. He freaked and took off running. I was scared shitless right up until my butt hit the seat of my car. And then I was pissed. I was so angry I couldn't see straight. So I started up my car, and I chased him.

                    The only thing that saved that fucker's life that night is that the cars park bumper to bumper in that part of town and I couldn't get my car up on the sidewalk. I watched him unlock a security door and go into an apartment building. The building was three blocks from mine on the same street.

                    I called the cops. Who did nothing, of course.

                    That was not the only time that I came that close. The second time was at the University. I faced down a crazy person  on a Saturday morning when I was working overtime. He had been hiding in the building while I was working. When I spent too long in the scene shop I guess he decided to leave the dark theater and come looking for me. There are huge doors between that theater and the shop. They make a huge noise when they slam.  I just kept walking towards him slowly, so he just kept backing up talking at me the whole time. I backed him all the way across the shop and into the theater and then slammed those giant doors and ran like hell.

                    I called the campus police, and for once they came. He was still in the building, waiting for me. I followed the cop into the space, and as soon as he saw the officer, he ran.

                    They caught him. Turns out that he was a registered sex offender who had jumped parole. The cops let him go Seriously.  

                    I don't understand police. I really don't. At any rate, I was damn lucky. Both those incidents could have gone differently if I'd had any other father than the one I had. God bless him.

                    •  the law won't let us arrest someone (1+ / 0-)
                      Recommended by:
                      Azubia

                      who "hasn't done anything yet."

                      Positively emetic.... but the guy who dropped his pants ought to have been charged with indecent exposure.

                      The other guy? Get his parole officer working on it...

                      (yeah, in a former life I was a cop; then later, a courthouse beat reporter)

                      LBJ, Van Cliburn, Ike, Wendy Davis, Lady Bird, Ann Richards, Barbara Jordan, Molly Ivins, Sully Sullenburger, Drew Brees: Texas is NO Bush League!

                      by BlackSheep1 on Mon May 26, 2014 at 11:33:41 PM PDT

                      [ Parent ]

      •  I don't think you teach judging character. (4+ / 0-)

        I think you teach self respect. More than anything, that.
        I think you teach them self reliance. Self defense.  

        I think you teach them their value as part of a family unit. That they can't afford to be injured, because it has the power to hurt the whole family. There is no more powerful thing you can teach a young woman then that she has the power to protect her family by protecting herself. And no way to make her feel more valued by her family than to make her know it.  Sadly, especially now when the price is so much higher, thanks to republican misogyny and oppressive legislature.

        I think that you teach them that unfortunately, people they know may try to hurt them and that no matter what, it isn't all right and that they CAN FIGHT BACK ANND THEY CAN TELL THEIR FAMILY. And when you give them the self respect, the tools and the confidence to fight back, they will stand taller and move more confidently, and not draw the attention of predators.

        The unfortunate truth is, that at least for now, it is better for them to be scared by you as you teach them, then it is for them to panic when they need to run, or to be unaware when a simple "no thanks  I've had enough" will get them home safe. And you will find that they will make better choices not out of fear, but out of the smarts you gave them.

      •  they will have to learn to protect themselves (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        FarWestGirl

        I would suggest martial arts training.  My niece teaches this and I think it gives girls a sense of their own bodies, strengths, and possibilities.  Plus confidence, and yes, character judgment.

      •  I strongly recommend you to read (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        CanisMaximus, FindingMyVoice

        this book by Gavin de Becker.

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