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View Diary: Truly Respecting A Woman's Right To Choose (10 comments)

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  •  We adopted our daughter (6+ / 0-)

    via an international adoption.  We had a lot of people question it (mostly out of ignorance).  Why couldn't you adopt a child from the US?  Well, my husband and I were older and not physically attractive (we're fat), we are not religious in the conventional sense, and we already had a child.  Most young birth mothers would consider any or all of those things detrimental and since they get to choose who adopts their child, we were told we'd most likely never get picked.  Why not a child in foster care?  Well, there are great kids in foster care, but they many times have issues, which is understandable, but my husband and I assessed what we wanted for our family and what we could deal with (and how it would impact our existing child) and we decided we didn't want to do that.  So, international adoption was the way for us.  I was already pro-choice, and, because of this multi-year journey we took (including the fertility treatments we did to have our son, which is another entire saga in and of itself), I decided never to condemn anyone for any choices they made regarding their families.  You have to know the extent of the effort you are willing to make and you have to know what your limits are -- financially and emotionally.  Do you have a support network that can help you?  My mother and my sister-in-law, in particular, have been godsends on occasions too numerous to count.  Will your community have the resources to ensure any child that you have will reach its full potential?  The number of people who have in one way or another enriched both our child's lives probably numbers in the hundreds -- family, friends, neighbors, teachers and school staff, acquaintances, people from boy scouts, ice skating instructors, dance class instructors, children's theater groups, local merchants, community leaders, local politicians (our town supervisor, despite a very tight town budget, somehow found the funds to keep the DARE program going for the kids in our elementary school).  And I'm sure I'm forgetting whole groups of people.  Anyone who scoffed at Hilliary's book "It Takes a Village" had their heads up their collective asses.  Think of a special needs child in a poverty-stricken rural or urban school with a single parent struggling to provide for this child and other kids in the family.  It strains credulity to think this child would not be, at best, anything more than neglected.  And at worst, well, let's not go there.  It's time to stop judging the choices people make and time to start providing the resources they need to have a decent quality of life for themselves and any children they feel themselves capable of raising.

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