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View Diary: Pure and Simple: Equal Rights (196 comments)

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  •  you missed something (none)
    How many adopted children spend months or years searching for their biological parents? Why is that? Do you deny it?

    of course I don't deny it. Most surveys show that 50% of adoptive children seek out their genetic parents, why? to see where they came from genetically, curiosity. But, at the end of the day, 99% of those when asked who their real parents are say their adoptive parents, without question.

    Fair enough. But those children will forever have a bilogical link (as well as a legal claim) on them. My friend has no link whatsoever.

    if you read again you'll see that genetic 'links' can mean very little. Those genetic links (and not all will have legal claim) of fathers who leave apparently mean nothing. And I have no idea about your friend, but others in similar situations have links more important than genetics, biological attachment and bonding.

    By your logic a gay couple could marry one of the partners have kids, and the second would become the adoped parent. If they later divorced, the second partner could actually legally fight for custody, and go so far as to ban the natural parent from seeing their biological child.

    sorry, this happens all the time with straight parents. One parent comes in with children, the second parent adopts them. If they later divorce, the adoptive parent has every right to fight for custody. If parents get to the point that the adoptive parent is an attached, bonded, caregiving parent and the biological parent agrees.. and the go all the way to the point of making it legal.. Yes, they have every right to continue to parent and have custody of that child after divorce. That is WHY people adopt their 'step children' because they have become their parents in everything but genetics. Shouldn't be anything different with gay couples.

    "If you and I think exactly alike, one of us is unnecessary" Daddy, Papa & Me

    by wclathe on Fri Feb 13, 2004 at 03:09:41 PM PST

    [ Parent ]

    •  you know what (none)
      I'm kind of annoyed by the whole subject. I live with the mother of my child and have for years. We are not married, but we are just as much a family as any married couple.

      Frankly, I don't see what the fuss is all about, particularly from a segment of our society that only 20 years ago was spilling rivers of ink about not having to be bound by the rules of the so-called "straight community".

      But, whatever. at the end of the day, my point is not that I wouldn't allow Gay Marriage, I would. And I think Kerry wimped out on NPR (I heard it before I read about it). And I think a Constitional ammendment banning gay marriage would be wrong. But I don't like the Civil Rights parallels, I think they are weak at best. And the whole issue is just a really low priority once civil unions are accepted into law, particularly given the whole state of the nation right now.

      Still for Dean, after the scream.

      by M Aurelius on Fri Feb 13, 2004 at 03:22:21 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  It's about choice (none)
        Gay people are not monolithic. Even twenty years ago, gay people were not uniformly behind the idea of overthrowing the two-parent married family. Many people--probably even a majority--simply wanted the ability to make the same choices that straight people can make.

        With the evolution of the gay community as it relates to the broader society, that's even more true today.

        Not all straight couples choose marriage, but some do. Not all gay people will choose marriage, but some will. Right now, that's not a legal choice for most gay people in this country.

        Nothing about allowing same-sex marriage threatens the right of gay or straight people to choose not to be married. If anything, it allows social radicals who oppose marriage to broaden their argument beyond identity politics and really tackle the core issue for the first time.

        Consider turning your own situation around. What if it were still illegal for you to live with your partner without being married, as it was in many places in parts of the last century? What if you were prohibited from playing a legal role in your children's lives? That's what gay people have to deal with all the time. As someone who has a relationship at odds with the social ideal, you should understand more than anyone how important it is to preserve the right of people to choose their own paths in their family relationships.

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