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View Diary: Jon Stewart to host 2006 Oscars! (37 comments)

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  •  Jon Stewart may implode (none)
    After reading his William and Mary Commencement Address I fear that Jon will be skewering sacred cows left and right on stage at the Oscars... and perhaps more than the Academy or the general public will be able to handle.  I hope 'classy-Jon' wins out over 'preachy-Jon' in a way unlike the commencement speech.

    Hope to God he comes out unscathed...  I love that guy!

    •  I SO disagree (none)
      That address was classic. I gave you a four because I'd never seen it before.

      I hope that Stewart will be skewering even more sacred cows at the Oscars...

      Although nothing he can do will likely top the best awards-show skewering of all time.

      The Dead Kennedy's at the BAMMIES (Bay Area Music Awards) in, I believe, 1981 or thereabouts.

      Their California Uber Alles had become an unlikely radio hit and they were instructed that that was what they were to play. So they come out dressed in black slacks and white oxfords (a la The Knack)with a big "S" spray painted on every shirt. They launch into the opening chords of California Uber Alles, when Jello stops the band and declares, "Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. We're not a punk rock band, we're a new wave band." With that, they whip out the skinny Knack black ties from over their necks to make $ signs and launch into:

      My Payola

      I'm tired of self respect
      I can't afford a car
      I wanna be a prefab superstar

      I wanna be a tool
      Don't need no soul
      Wanna make big money
      Playing rock and roll

      I'll make my music boring
      I'll play my music slow
      I ain't no artist, I'm a business man
      No ideas of my own

      I won't offend
      Or rock the boat
      Just sex and drugs
      And rock and roll

      Drool, drool, drool, drool, drool, drool
      My Payola!
      Drool, drool, drool, drool, drool, drool
      My Payola!

      You'll pay ten bucks to see me
      On a fifteen foot high stage
      Fatass bouncers kick the shit
      Out of kids who try to dance

      If my friends say
      I've lost my guts
      I'll laugh and say
      That's rock and roll

      But there's just one problem...

      Chorus
      Is my cock big enough
      Is my brain small enough
      For you to make me a star
      Give me a toot, I'll sell you my soul
      Pull my strings and I'll go far

      And when I'm rich
      And meet Bob Hope
      We'll shoot some golf
      And shoot some dope

      Is my cock big enough?
      Is my brain small enough?
      Repeat chorus, etc. etc

      In the middle of the song is a completely masturbatory and nonsensical guitar solo that ironically gets a large ovation from a section of the audience that clearly doesn't understand satire.

      One of the great pranks ever in my opinion. I hope Stewart matches it 1/8 as much at the Oscars.

      Make love not war because love is lovely and war is very ugly, ya know?-U Roy

      by Rojo on Wed Jan 04, 2006 at 10:37:00 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  Oops (none)
        Title is "Pull My Strings" not "My Payola"

        I just always think of it as that because of the reference to The Knack's "My Sharona"

        Make love not war because love is lovely and war is very ugly, ya know?-U Roy

        by Rojo on Wed Jan 04, 2006 at 10:39:09 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

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