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View Diary: The big question (94 comments)

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    It doesn't damage national security. And the fact that this country is even debating the question shows just how dumbed-down we've become. My goodness, what happened to critical thinking skills? What in the world happened to intellectual shame?

    Has dipshit, wingnut, red-state America ever opened a fucking Tom Clancy novel? Or seen a James Bond movie? Not that these mental midgets would be interested, but we've been tapping telephones for quite a while now (translation: before 2001). And I'm pretty sure the evil-doers are aware that we have such tactics in our mighty arsenal.

    For the benefit of those Bush voters who might be reading this, let me give a little more background on some of the tools we have at our disposal.

    Satellites -- These are objects that float above the Earth (yes, just like God does) and take pictures of things happening below. They orbit around our planet, and are usually built by evil scientists who believe in Evolution.

    Spies -- Spies are human beings. They are really good guys who hang around bad guys (and sometimes have to act like bad guys) in order to get information. Valerie Plame was a spy, until she was outed by patriotic Christians like Scooter Libby and Karl Rove.

    Guns -- These devices are used to fire projectiles (usually a small one) at an evil-doer at very high speed. The projecticle penetrates the skin and brings harm to the evil-doer, assuming the evil-doer is not a Cyberdine T-1000.

    Radios -- This scientific creation (and obvious work of the Devil) allows two good guys to speak to each other over long distances. I recommend "Smokey and the Bandit" as a primer.

    Next week we'll be talking about planes and tanks, but don't tell the evil-doers! It could be just the piece of information that results in a nuclear blast. Do you want that on your conscience? I sure don't.

    I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn -- Ron Burgundy

    by IndyScott on Thu Jan 05, 2006 at 11:20:14 AM PST

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